Last nite she was walking by when I was sitting on the floor and invited her for a hug with my arms (no words). She straddled me and gave me one.
When I was shoveling the driveway with my boys, she came out to ask some questions. Before she turned away, I asked for a kiss and we had a light kiss.
I've really cut down on the hugs, touches and kisses. She had noticed (because I was dumb enough to bring it up)
Like I said, I'm really bad at this last resort move and am worried about beeing weak and pathetic looking.
I know I looked weak and pathetic this afternoon as I was cleaning out one of my file cabinets when I found an old V-Day card from her - she had written something very warm and touching about loving me more each day and how happy she was I her husband. She was in the room when I got teary eyed. She looked at the card, read it and flipped it over and said - it's from 2000. I asked her how it made her feel sad reading it and she was very casual about saying no, those were happy times.
Before she left for her errands, she did come to give a hug.
It's killing me that I feel I have so little control and just need to try and influence her ultimate decision.
It did sound like she was willing to go to counseling again on Monday. I had thought about bringing up what we talked about Thursday nite - how everytime she sees me, all she can feel is the hurt, frustration and pain I caused her. And she can't imagine trying to find a reasone to plant a seed of love for someone who did that to her.
I can't argue with it - I tried Thurs - seem my earlier very long post.
Yesterday afternoon when talking with friends, I really wanted to just give up. This morning I saw my boys as we were waking up and know I can not give up.
I just need the strength and wisdom to make this happen.
I know I can't fix the relationship, but need to be able to help her find a reason to want to try to fix our relationship.
I need to stay focused. Thanks for your advice.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
