Thank you. I appreciate you at least understanding how.
The first A didn't come out until the second one. He learned about both at the same time. Between the first and second, I thought I could just move forward, never admit to it and go on living a lie. Then the second one happened. And I realize looking back how down or maybe even depressed I was trying to be Superwoman and appearing to be to many people, but having an A, and still having the guilt/lying over the first A. Feeling like a fraud. I can't even begin to tell anyone how GOOD it feels to not have to live a friggin LIE anymore.
On top of that, the C has helped me to speak up for what I DO want or need, instead of just sweeping it under the rug. I have actually had to think about what I want and remind myself to not answer to PLEASE someone else. It's simple enough, "Melissa, what do YOU want?" But I always put it aside before trying to be the perfect wife who always did what everyone ELSE expected or what they WANTED first, including H, parents, the USAF, work, kids, and inlaws.
I don't want him to just get over it. I wish we could, but it's not realistic. Trying to be a friend right now, I feel like a doormat. He said he wants a divorce but he doesn't want to rush into a divorce. ??? What is that about?
So this last week we have been talking more. Which is good. I don't want to not be friends. But I know sooner or later (probably this next week if the past is a predictor), he's going to want to have cake (do the dirty). And at that point is where I become emotionally screwball. I detached the last few weeks because I couldn't handle the cake. But now that we are "buds" again, I know he is going to want cake. It's just a fact. He got cake for long enough from me and he's going to want more. So how do I respond to that? This is part of why I don't think it's a PA with the OW. He got cake often enough from here until the first week or so of January. So he's done just enough talking nicely somewhat about the R, not giving in though, but enough for me to say we are better off than we were two weeks ago, to keep me hanging by a string. If he wanted the divorce, wouldn't he just cut me off completely except for the kids. That's why I am confused.
He says one thing, but I can guarantee you by next Friday, his actions (wanting cake) will show me something different.
So basically, if I want the M to work in the long run, you guys think just bend over, take what he's got, go happily down the road, GAL, PMA, be a friend, be a wife only a fool would leave, and sooner or later he'll realize it?
Just asking. I can give him time. That is no problem. I hate that he is bringing more issues into the M, but I don't have control over what he does.
Thank you again. REALLY. I do appreciate it. It is really nice to have the other opinion.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
I can give him time. That is no problem. I hate that he is bringing more issues into the M, but I don't have control over what he does.
