Countdown to New Year, and fresh start?

[istherehope]

((Ali)),((Lisa)),((Julia)),

Thanks so much for stopping by my thread. It means a lot to know that there are people out there who care about my situation :).

Lisa (and Ali on this point), I am not sure when I will move to piecing. I am terrified of getting my feelings crushed again, so I need to be a lot more certain about our progress than I am now. To me the move to piecing is symbolic like H putting the ring back on his finger. There are a few things that H could do/say that would make me decide to move to piecing, and these are: ring back on his finger, direct statement that he is recommitting, direct statement that he is happy now and wants us to start really working on things together. Without these things happening, I am not sure what it will take for me to feel secure in the R again. Maybe it will happen gradually and 1 morning I will wake up and believe everything is OK again, I don't know for sure.

Julia, you are definitely right that actions speak louder than words. Like a typical WAH though, his actions are still conflicting. Overall they are moving in the right direction, like the scale has tipped toward the M, but there are still some actions that I am not as happy with. There is not regular ML, he is not wearing his ring, and he has just not really taken the time to show me that I am special to him again. On vacation some of these things were better, so I do realize that a lot of H's actions have nothing to do with me and everything to do with his own stress around school and work, and I am trying to keep that in mind.

Ali, about the ring...yeah a lot of men don't wear them regularly. It's just that H always did, except when doing sports. The reason that this is so symbolic to me is that he very visibly took it off the day that we talked about me moving out, and when I brought it up later, he said that him taking the ring off should show me how he really feels about the M. This was of course during the period of extreme negativity, but he very much knows how it makes me feel (I freaked out and sobbed), and I need him to reassure me with the ring at some point, if not now. We haven't renewed our lease, but we have plans that extend past when our lease is up, plans to travel with his cousin in Europe, so this is good and symbolic. I really feel as though he is battling with his own negativity at the moment. He is asking for validation of my feelings toward him a LOT, but I don't think he is consciously aware of this. He openly asked the other night "do you love me?" I said of course I did, but nothing in return. He also says a lot of things like "that's how love is", and "you love me because I make you laugh, right?" Anyway I think the closer we get to resolving this, the harder it gets to go slow, and this is something I have seen on the piecing board too. I am resolved though, am thinking about the long-term goal, and remembering that we have a holiday for Brazil planned next month :).

Hope you are all doing well, and as H is going to be traveling for work next week, I may be posting a lot more for a few days.

ITH