It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

He confessed tonight:


HE STILL LOVES HER but states there has been No contact. It's been almost 9 months since the end of their relationship and that was only for 5 and half months. She turned out to be a person who sleeps around and leads other married men.. and he still loves her. I have asked him in the past and he has been lying about it. Says he has tried to "get over" her but just can't. Sounds just like it did last Jan after the bomb but not with the same amount of emotional out pouring that he had then.

I don't know what to do he states he loves me too. Now, I can't live with two of us in his heart and if I had known that, I wouldn't be here now. How can I when I pick him up at the airport Sun. act loving,happy and like a wife. Am I suppose to hug him and lay next to him in bed while his heart yearns for another. I can't do it. I don't know how. He says love is not a choice. BS

I am devasted to be here again. I am angry with myself for being such a putz to let him come home as quickly as I did, but I believed him. I am mad that I feel stuck because of my children, I don't want this to happen to them again.

I am stumped at what to do. I am thinking of asking him to leave until he can decide I am the one and only. I really don't think that's to much for a wife to ask for. I am/was having a party for him on the 13th to celebrate his bday and him making Lt. Col but how can I carry on with that? It would seem a little fake for me to do that. I already invited people from his work. I guess I can make up something to cancel, guess it cant be that he has to work though.

Ground hog day again and again.

I am defeated and lost.

I feel myself giving up.

I've fought with all I had.

I've lost the battle, I won the battle, I lost the war.