It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

I have not done my sitch any better than you silly. We play the cards we are dealt. You and I have the shut your mouth problem. Your right about H so we will see if he is willing to do that. I think we are both tired of the circling but the weird thing is I "think" we both want to the same thing.

[Silent Chrleader]

... I think we are both tired of the circling but the weird thing is I "think" we both want to the same thing.

I completely agree with you on this one! And because of that, I believe that you will figure this all out eventually. You will undoubtedly have setbacks, but the love you share with your H is very clear to me, although you both may not be consciously aware of it under all the hurt.

Be patient and keep the faith.....in yourself!!

[BobbiJo]

Hey! Curious, what is he doing that seems like "DB" to you??

[Tomato]

while I am over here checking to see if I missed anything recent (which I didn't) ..I had better say hi to my 2nd favorite pilot W.

Stay centered squarely on the Lord. Be ready, willing and able to receive the Holy Spirit. He is great.


T

[sandycay]

Hey! Curious, what is he doing that seems like "DB" to you??

1) Acting is if (no talk of R or anything to do with the overheard phone conversation

2) Not lingering on the phone

3) Not calling or texting as much

4) Seeminly more upbeat


Of course, he could just be withdrawing but I'll play along (what choice do I have)

Still no word about the email, I don't ask

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hi Sandycay,

OK, I read all of the posts here since your husband's e-mail to you, but I must admit I'm not all that familiar with your overall sitch. How can I help?

I do agree with the others who have said to NOT get into these e-mail/text flames with him. WAY too much drama from both of you, and I don't see them as being constructive.

Is your husband still in contact with this other woman? His thinking still sounds awfully fogged out to me one year out . . .

Puppy

[sandycay]

I was looking for your perspective on the phone call I overheard him having probably a few pages earlier on my thread that sparked the emails. We haven't had drama since his return until this incident. I am not sure if thephone call is a fortelling of the future.

There is no evidence that he is in Contact with OW.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sandycay,

My honest opinion of the overheard/inadvertent cellphone call, even BEFORE I read the others' comments, was that you were overblowing it. UNDERSTANDABLY SO, considering your shared history with this main and the pain you've had to endure, but -- as a guy? -- . . .

My take was largely what the others' was: it's bullchit guy posturing. It's crass, but we can be crass sometimes, esp. when we think there are no women around.

I'm more concerned with why HE feels he's a "p*ssy" for doing the HONORABLE thing (fighting for his marriage), but what did he consider himself when he was wayward??? But even this is pretty typical. My wife was far more concerned with what people thought of her NOW THAT SHE WAS BACK AND FIGHTING FOR HER MARRIAGE AND BEING FAITHFUL TO HER HUSBAND, than she was when she was hooking up in dark parking lots in a beat-up old pickup truck with a man 20 years younger than her.

Go figure.

Puppy

[sandycay]

He confessed tonight:


HE STILL LOVES HER but states there has been No contact. It's been almost 9 months since the end of their relationship and that was only for 5 and half months. She turned out to be a person who sleeps around and leads other married men.. and he still loves her. I have asked him in the past and he has been lying about it. Says he has tried to "get over" her but just can't. Sounds just like it did last Jan after the bomb but not with the same amount of emotional out pouring that he had then.

I don't know what to do he states he loves me too. Now, I can't live with two of us in his heart and if I had known that, I wouldn't be here now. How can I when I pick him up at the airport Sun. act loving,happy and like a wife. Am I suppose to hug him and lay next to him in bed while his heart yearns for another. I can't do it. I don't know how. He says love is not a choice. BS

I am devasted to be here again. I am angry with myself for being such a putz to let him come home as quickly as I did, but I believed him. I am mad that I feel stuck because of my children, I don't want this to happen to them again.

I am stumped at what to do. I am thinking of asking him to leave until he can decide I am the one and only. I really don't think that's to much for a wife to ask for. I am/was having a party for him on the 13th to celebrate his bday and him making Lt. Col but how can I carry on with that? It would seem a little fake for me to do that. I already invited people from his work. I guess I can make up something to cancel, guess it cant be that he has to work though.

Ground hog day again and again.

I am defeated and lost.

I feel myself giving up.

I've fought with all I had.

I've lost the battle, I won the battle, I lost the war.

[ThinkingItThru]

SC,

I wanted to tell you that when I read your email to your husband a few days ago how much I felt for you because it so beautifully stated everything that I have been feeling in my heart and mind.

And now to read that your challenges continue to grow, I wish that I could offer you some advice, but I am with you in this one. All that I can offer is that it seems to help me to step back and just let things play themselves out with the confidence that I will KNOW when I have to do something.

Perhaps it is a bit psychotic, but it is almost like I am watching things play out like a story in a book or a movie. I'm just not that invested in my H's character right now. And to imagine that if I were a character in my movie, how would I want her to handle things. My friend is studying the Kabbalah right now and this idea of your life as a story is something she is learning.

You have my most positive thoughts.

Take care you.