Another new topic! already? Here we go

[LoginName]

Ah, the perfect time to chat online, bare your soul, and maybe even give advice... just drank a bottle of wine wine with a delicious meal, fun with my son, now laying in bed pirating my neighbor's wireless internet...
Hehheehehehe

So anyway...

it's about you. It's about you being jaded and disillusioned

so lodo, do you, can you, believe in love anymore? Intelectually, I said I didn't believe it before the bomb. How can I believe in it now? (I do though. I'm a sap. I don't know what it means, but I know I can still feel it.)

say you aren't content to be a martyr. Ok. What, then, are you willing to create?

I'm creating my

life now. I love my life right now, and it doesn't have to include my W. Why should it? Life is good. A bottle of wine, I cooked a great meal, I enjoyed the cooking, the meal, the wine, and none of it is any less because she is absent. No what I mean? So why put her in the equation at all?

I blurted out, "Watch out, there's only pain and misery ahead

There is, isn't there? Totally changes the way you see movies, read books, listen to love songs. There is pain and misery ahead, and joy, and love, and transendence. And if it doesn't work with this one, it can work with another. Or, if not work, at least go through the highs and lows again. Why fight for this one? Why not try another who may work out better?

failure. That's the risk we take. Better to fail, though, than never try.

So why not try with someone else, or by yourself?

I'm not quite as jaded or cynical as I may apear. I still feel my heart flutter when my W calls and says certain things, or has a certain tone in her voice. I think the separation is a big part of my problem, and something I'll have to figure out how to live with or deal with. I do think I could be at least as happy by myself or with someone else. I think I'd look for someone else to share my life with, if I divorced. I think I'd be happy by myself too. Life is pretty cool, fun, interesting, with or without her.

My answer, today, right now, for "why bother"... I want to share my life with someone. My W is as good and better than most to share it with. Also, I don't think this journey is done. I'm learning something here and I'm not ready to stop learning.

Making the scale smaller, I see that over the years I have developed a negative interpretation of my W's actions. It's so easy to see her actions as cold, distant, and unaffectionate. If I change my interpretation of her actions and words, it changes the relationship. Maybe she has changed. Maybe she is sincere when she says I love you. Why not interpret it positively?

Still, I have and am really enjoying my new life. It will be hard to give it up and to move to AR, and it will be hard to stay married and live in different states.

Whew, good wine. :-)

I hope you all are having as much fun as me, and, lodo, I'm reading your post and hope to have something worthwhile to add in future. Regardless, have fun, enjoy, good luck.