Divorce looming #4

[K4D]

Looks like I locked up another one. Tonite W, me, D11 and D7 went to a friends house for dinner. They have 2 daughters. One is a senior in high school and the other is in 5th grade like D11. They got along really well with my kids. They got each others phone numbers so that mine could call them if they felt like they needed to talk to someone more their age.

Got home and I had asked my W if she would be opposed to me taking my D11 with me to Florida for a few months. Of course she was. So I guess I will be going on my own. Would have been fun to have her with me. But oh well.

I was going to take D11 to a church with me Sunday that I had been going to and I had also taken D11 with me to. They are having a special sermon on getting baptized. My W said she doesn't need to get baptized there. She needs to get baptized at the bigger church we had previously been going to and have all her family there and attend classes first. I told her I wasn't going to tell D11 to do it or not to do it. Wanted her to make the choice for herself and just give her another opportunity to make that decision. W got mad and said no. She feels she needs more education and that isn't her regular church.

Tonite we were talking and my W starts getting undressed then tells me to turn around. Man this peeved me. I said you are my W, I shouldn't have to turn around. She told me to get over myself and turn around. So I did. I mumbled that I know she is saving herself for someone else. She said whatever.
Geez, so the guy she had an affair with was allowed to see her undressed, but not me her husband. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

I swear, she fights me on anything and everything. Its ridiculous. I can't have a say on one single thing. Its a good thing I am getting the child custody notorized saturday. I still haven't signed the waiver yet because W still hasn't drawn up the custody agreement yet.

This whole thing really stinks.

Kevin

[K4D]

So my W says we are going to tell the kids this weekend about the D. This should be interesting.

I told her again I really don't want to go to Florida. She said to bad. I need to go their and man up.

Mean while, the D is going through while I am gone.

It really sucks because I feel like I have lost my best friend in life.

Kevin

[SRTTF]

((((Kevin))))))

Sorry but I have to give you a 2x4. What in the world were you thinking when you asked W if you could take D11 with you. Did you REALLY think that she would let you? Why did you ask that? Why are you still talking R with her? You have to control yourself. Maybe with going to Florida you will be able to go dark and give both of you time to think.

I really think that she is just getting angrier with you because you don't give her space. Once she has that space maybe she will get to missing you but until then you have to let up!

Sorry just being honest.

hang in there

[K4D]

I don't know Stacy. I guess I am not thinking clearly. I just am really going to miss my family. I don't want to be away from my girls. But I have to study to make a better income to support them on since W filed for D.

I haven't signed the waiver of service yet. I could hold off until I leave and then not sign it. Then she would have to have me served. But she may not be able to depending on if I go to Charlotte and Tampa. Of course, then she could get me for abandonment. UGGG.

There is no way out of this except for prayer and DBing. Hard to DB though when you are in Florida and the D is going through.

Today was my last day on the job.

Kevin

[K4D]

My W is doing taxes tonite.

She said she wanted to tell the kids tonite. She said she wanted to say that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce and its not about them. Mommy and daddy have problems that can't be fixed. But we still love them.

I said no. There is no WE in this. I said tell them that YOU are divorcing me and that YOU are not willing to try and work on the problems. I said you need to be honest with them. I said I am willing to work on our marriage.

She got mad and said maybe she should tell them all the things I did wrong in the marriage that drove her to this decision. I said go ahead. Just be honest with them. I said that I made my mistakes and I have admitted to both the kids and W that I made mistakes.

But she needs to own up to this if she is choosing this. And since she filed, she needs to tell them that this is all her decision. I'm not taking part in this decision.

She said there are some things I can never fix. I said not true.

She didn't end up telling the kids tonite.

But apparently they already know because the family that we were with last night, the kids there told our kids. I found this out when I picked my kids up from school today. I didn't answer one way or the other when they told me what they were told.

I'm gonna let W confirm to them while I am there.

Kevin

[Mellenmack]

Kevin,

You really gotta detach, bub. I know you know this, but you are staying too wrapped up in her drama. Of course, I remember somebody saying something about throwing stones....but still!! What are the things she thinks you can never fix??? You need to know what those things are!

Melissa

"Why do you laugh? Change the name and the story is told of you" Fulghum.

[K4D]

So here is the latest.

I didn't really want to leave Tuesday so W got mad and threatened legal action if I didn't. She said she is going to finish going through with the D. I had previously told her I would pay her back if she would hold off. She said no.

She then told our kids that she is divorcing me. D11 turned to her and told her she better not marry someone else. I was like wooa. Where did that come from. Wow. W was stunned by it to and told her she isn't looking to be with anyone else right now.

The kids were both saddened. D11 knows this is wrong. I didn't have to say anything. I told her I will always love her mommy and her mommy told her she will always love me to. Umm... ya, ok. This is what love is? I didn't say that, I was just thinking it.

Then D11 went to her grandma's house.

Me and W proceeded to sleep together for one last time. It was great. I went to get us both lunch after.

I'm taking my daughters to a father daughter dance tonite. Then tomorrow I will spend the day finishing packing, getting the oil changed in my car and buying a few things I need.

Then I will head to Tampa. I will be back for Springbreak and then back in Tampa til May. I'm not looking forward to the 2 day drive by myself. I will have alot of time in the car to think about stuff that I don't want to think about.

W told me today that she likes to take control of situations and I let her and thats not good. I told her when I try to take the lead we clash. And she said exactly. huh? So its a no win situation either way. She says we just aren't good for each other.

Oh well. Maybe this time in Florida will help her miss me. Maybe it won't. She said when I come back for Springbreak she will probably leave town that week so its just me and the kids.

Kevin

[Mellenmack]

You know what I think, Kevin. I think you are going to get down there and start doing your own thing and get busy. In a couple of weeks, maybe a month, you are going to have time to sit back and reflect and realize how HAPPY you have been to not have to come home to her BS every friggin day. Maybe then you can detach a little more. You can't separate yourself from her at all right now. You have no boundaries. You can't see where you end and she begins.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Melissa

[K4D]

I hope you are right Melissa. I guess I don't have any boundaries. And I'm not sure where I end and she begins. I just know I want things to be good again. But that ain't gonna happen.

I think moving on actually scares me some. I'm not Don Juan. I'm not looking to just hook up with someone else.

I always took great comfort in her. To much. Now I am finding that thinking about not having her is very scary. I will finally have to learn how to be on my own like alot of people in life.

Its a new road for me. Its not one I ever thought would happen. I guess I have never had much confidence and security in myself. I never really had to. And now I will have to learn how. I don't like being by myself. I never have. It gets to me. And she is the one that I am secure around which is probably not healthy.

Maybe Florida will help me break that. She won't be staying in touch with me much which will force me to try and move on. It will be hard in the coming months though when I come back to visit and when I come back to stay with them while I look for a job.

She told me not to ask her to sleep with me over springbreak, that today was it. I said ok.

I'm trying to think of what I should do while I am in Florida when I am not studying. I might join a softball team.

Kevin

[Mellenmack]

It's not moving on to someone else, Kev. It's moving on to find yourself.

"She said there's someone else
And I've kept it to myself
But I can't keep these feelings locked inside
I need to tell you this
It's one of your old friends
One you haven't talked to in a while

She said I'm leaving
And there's nothing you can do
I said I had a feeling you found somebody new
And I'll bet I can guess his name
But it's so hard to believe
'Cause she said you're not even close
It's someone you don't know
I'm leaving you for me"

Florida??? And you want to play softball?? Are you kidding me?? You take your butt down to that beach every day. You go deep sea fishing. You have LIFE experiences that you will NEVER get the chance to do again and you LET THEM CHANGE YOUR LIFE. You take advantage of absolutely every opportunity that is put in front of you. Forget the women.

I've learned something about good things. They come along when you aren't looking for them. They come along when you have resigned yourself to finding them. It's like looking for a new puppy kind of. If you call a breeder you are going to pay $550 for a 6 week old Australian Shepherd. We'll say blue merle cause that's what my fat girl is. If you are calling a breeder, you are desperate because you want that dog RIGHT NOW. That's not a good thing. So you wait. Sometimes they show up on your door step and take six weeks to trust you (how I ended up with the cat). Sometimes you rescue a dog from a storm drain (how my dad got SugarBear). And sometimes you just for $hits and giggles stop at the pound just so you can have a good laugh at yourself and there she is. Sitting back from the rest. The others are all clamoring to get to you. She is waiting for you to choose her. And you do. That is a good dawg. PATIENCE. You don't need to worry about another woman right now. It would just complicate things for you. Let my H be that lesson for you.

Melissa