Craig LRT being patient

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Craig...have you figured out something different yet?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

oh yeah wait...

I know you're not supposed to tell her you love her...

But it is assumptions like that "She knows I love her" that got alot of us here in the first place. Screw that. My wife, not only knows, but I show her and tell her every day several times.

[25yearsmlc]

Oh Christ Jack, you should print that out on a shirt and make a fortune. Go on Oprah. I am not mocking you. I'm shaking my head wishing every man in America just read what you wrote.

God Bless You for saying it.

J-

[frank_D]

however, let her know you don't need her.

[craig54]

There were alot of things in my marriage that I did wrong, but not telling her I love you , was not one of them.This is about a woman in the throes of a mid life crisis, this is not about me sweeping her off her feet, This is about a woman that I love,that I cannot reach.I do not need my wife, but I certainly want her.

I admit I am stuck on what to do different, I have been so wrapped up in Db'ing that I obviously have missed something.If I farted it would smell like LRT.SHE KNOWS I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE.

[25yearsmlc]

fine. She says she wants a div. My h wanted to live in Alaska "where there's a gold rush" (his words) and "had to live there" and "nowhere else" would provide the same opportunities, etc and said I was "not being rational" when I said I didn't want to live there again (already had some years earlier). Every one of the FIVE MCs we went to told him things he would not hear. They said he was not being rational; didn't matter. They said he was being selfish, didn't matter. They told him his d16 would be hurt but he said "no she won't when she sees how much money we'll have" and he said things that just did not make sense. He was NOT reachable. Frankly he was pretty much off. ( Eventually he did change his mind but I sure didn't and couldn't do it for him; God knows I tried).

I'm a L, I speak for a living. I wracked my brain for a way to say it just right, to persuade....to convince...but my H was NOT reachable by me or words of logic or tears. Finally, years of crap, pain, incredible anger and sadness, and MLC and almost a D happened. Damaged R's with the kids,(big time damage to our children's views of him...still so sad to me and he' s not totally aware of it at all)
....and he went up there and I joined him a year later and HE figured out that he was wrong. Big mistake. Lost a fortune too. So many predicable (to me) problems and my biggest accomplishment was NOT saying "I told you so"....but he made some big mistakes. Lots of them. Ooops. And yet, we are here.

So we are in piecing. MY POINT???

Sometimes they just have to do this on their own. You can hope and pray that you can wait it out and not make it worse; and DBing helped me not make it worse and it saved ME...but that's it. No magic answers to fixing them or waking them up.
Learn to pray and GAL and all that stuff. Sounds corny but it works...for US, and our children. They have to have ONE parent there just for them. And if we GAL of our own enough and find joy and some balance in it, hopefully we'll be healthy enough so that if the MLCer does come around, we can be there or at least in a place where we are happy in our lives and can have some sort of R with them...or more? But our life and our time, alone or not, is all we have. DBIng is about making the best of it. We bring more to the table that way anyhow...make sense?

(( j ))

[craig54]

Yes ti makes sense, I will be happy whether she comes out of her mlc or not. I have no control over that.

[craig54]

Wife came over to borrow a large pot for something she is making. She said the kids and her were going to make a special dinner for my birthday next week????She said she could tell me but she would have to kill me. She once again surprises me.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

25,

I learned too much at cost to forget and not live up to valuable lessons. Thanks.

[craig54]

My wife called me last night and let me know that her grandmother had passed away, she was 94. It was the same day a year ago that her father passed away.She had just visited her grandmother a few weeks ago, this was not a surprise. It still hurts, she was very close to her grandmother growing up.