So at this chat, my ex said.. there was NO reason for leaving, he doesnt know why he left.. HE THINKS HE HAD A MLC !!! He actually said that, yes, G said. I asked if he was through it now? And G said, oh yes, but he still gets low and has been again lately.. thats his own separate mental problems though, depression.

I asked if he had any doubts about coming back to the R, had he ever said anything that he didnt like about me? G said, no, not at all, I've never once heard him say a bad word against you, in fact, he has nothing but good things to say and talks about you alot!

One thing I didnt get clarity on (G wasnt sure and said, I cant remember what he said when I asked him that question).. was, why he wont speak up to me and admit he wants me back, or phone me. He seemed to think, generally that its all the hurt he's caused and the guitl and also, he has been in a "dark, low place" G said, particularly before Christmas and again recently, so theres an element of not being able to maybe?

He said she doesnt get him, that he will make a joke or a flippant remark as he does and it will soon descend into a serious conversation as she wants to know what he meant by that and he said.. but Al wouldnt do that and never did, Al gets me, Al knows me better than anyone, that he loves talking to me, that we get on like a house on fire, that he feels we were "together" for 13 years and that noone is as close to him as me... ARRGHHHH !!! Ok, just feel mad about all this! Its so frustrating.. why wont he just talk to me!?? Ridiculous...

He's noticed I've changed, he said that since we have split up I have turned back into the girl he always wanted me to be again and he has definetly noticed. He absolutely said he misses me..

I said, but whatever he says about her, that doesnt mean its about me, or wanting me back but G was adamant.. its totally about you! Absolutely ! He misses you and what you had and realises he has made a mistake.

He said he feels like he has got himself into something that he cant get out of, that she is a nice girl and doesnt want to hurt her but it isnt going anywhere.. ARRGHHH again !!! Why cant he hurt her after 5 months!?? He walked out on me after 9 years !!!!