The 3 worst words in the English language are "should", "could" and "would" for they are all about obligations and things we think are best for us to do, but aren't.
IOW, they are wellsprings of guilt.
Guilt sucks.
We know and are constantly learning what's best for us as men and fathers - and sometimes we forget our exes do NOT have a monopoly on truth and understanding. So if they insist on doing things in a certain way, that does not mean they are right.
Okay, let me sound defensive (it is my thread afterall ):
The point here is not about sports. My kids are already particpating in sports on my weekends and I fully support that. And they will continue to do so in the future.
The question here is what my friend FIB calls *balance*. Just b/c a child wants to do XX does not mean a parent should sacrifice all to get him or her XX, provided the parent is not hurting the child in the process. Notice I say hurt, not disappoint.
My duty as a father is not to make my kids happy or be their playmate. My job is to teach them about life, how to survive, how to grow into pillars of society. Strength, honor, integrity, loyality, family, perserverence. My terms as a man.
Part of that is the reality that we don't always get what we want but we can develop the skills to get what we need.
I cannot teach them my terms (given my LIMITED time with them) without a balance of inside private time and outside activities with friends or organized sports.
That is what I am asking for here. Balance. The kids are already enrolled in many things. My son played baseball in the past and it was beyond doubt the most time consuming, so my decision was to pass on baseball in favor of alternatives that would fit our schedules better.
It was not a hasty decision.
Former W chose to ignore me.
And, I hate to say it, all evidence points to she did it so that she could get additional time with the kids. I will not bore you with additional facts here.
That is the case in hand. It has little to do with me trying to pick a fight or harbor anger. Been there, done that.
It has all to do with boundaries and what is good for me and the kids.
And, yes I am in the equation. If all I do is give by doing what I "should", "could" or "would" then it WILL turn into guilt and resentment. I am only human.
Balance is win-win. No resentment. Kids get to do their thing. I get to do my thing with them. Kids feel secure; they don't have to choose between dad and XX. And I do not put them under pressure by asking them to choose (sorry FIB).
Men Lead. Not the children.
Former W is trying to take that away.
*Should* I allow that to happen?
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I am glad I started this discussion. So MANY positive, thought provoking points made.
):
