I'm sorry. I am your wife. My H was only gone 6 months. She is having an affair. From my own experience having one, I can almost guarantee it. She is a "shitty" wife because she feels guilty about it and because she believes you deserve more. She probably also feels like she deserves more.
I hate the military way of life sometimes. You guys just take off for 6 months or a year and expect us to still be living the same dang life and we're not. You guys left us, remember?? I know you didn't have a choice. My H didn't really have a choice either, but it doesn't make it any easier. You said you talked to her while you were gone. Who helped her out around the house? Well, you said the house was a mess, so maybe that's not a great question. Who mowed the yard? Did she have ANY help while you were gone? Did you schedule any help for her while you were gone. It gets real old real quick doing our own chores, but then having to do yours too...but it's not an excuse. I just think sometimes you guys really don't have a *clue* about what it takes while you are gone. So add up everything she did do while you were gone and then load some depression on top of it too. We are alone and abandoned because of YOUR job choices, so that makes it YOUR fault. Not really, but that's how the child in us thinks. And we are damn hurt at the time that it's really hard to get past that. The depression leads to lack of motivation at home. You used to be in the home. You aren't home right now. You aren't going to be home for a long time. I don't want to be at home if you aren't there. Where else can I go? I can go shopping. I can go to work. I can go to the gym. All I have to do here is sleep. Meanwhile you are half a world away. Doing your job. I know this. But at the time, the only responsibility you have is your job. To us, it seems like a friggin vacation. *I know* it's not. Believe me, I know. But that stupid little kid just keeps yelling louder and louder that "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"
I don't know what to tell you. I have to have hope for you so that I can have hope for me.
You need to think about what you are going to do when you find out she did have an A or is at least having an EA. Are you willing to wait it out, forgive her, and be there if/when she decides she wants to come back? If she is like me, she will want back sooner or later. She will realize she loves you. She is unsure if you will forgive her and if she deserves to be forgiven. Please just be open to her. It sounds awful, I think, but I wish my H was. I wish he would have had a little more patience with me. No one understands how hard deployments really are for the spouse left behind.
Good luck. I'll keep checking on you if you want. You may not want.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
