So she seems to be coming out of her fog. We had a 3.5 hour talk on the phone yesterday. I was blown away! We talked alot about not knowing where it would all end up bit realizing that it had to be a brand new realtionship. Taking the good from the past 14 years and discarding the rest.
She told me she felt something wake up in her yesterday that she hadn't felt in years. SHe came home in the AM from a friends and that she felt no judgement from me and I took care of the kid's and let her rest. She said she appreciated that so much.
I'm sure she did. Wayward spouses love a world with no boundaries, where they are free to do as they please.
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We went on to talk about both of our EA's and started getting stuff out on the table. It was definatley a baby step.
This is excellent, that you're talking about your affairs! I hope you'll both keep doing this, and that you'll each own your roles in the damage to your marriage. Try to 2/3 listen, 1/3 talk if she'll let you.
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NO expectations , but hope. No doubt the more I detach and just be there when I can with no expectation she comes back towards me. She also told me to let her come to me. The less pressure she feels she daid the more she wants to.
Thoughts?
Again, I take her "don't pressure me" simply as a shot across your bow for her to try to maintain the control in the marital relationship -- no more, no less. I think a better response from you to these challenges should be a stronger "Well, I'm not sure you should THANK me -- you're an adult, and I can't control what you do nor do I have any desire to. I'm definitely moving down my own path right now, but you should know that I do have my own personal boundaries, and I hope that you'll respect them as long as we're still married" . . . or some such.
In summary, I think the new dialogue you're having about your EAs is good. And no, you can't control her and you SHOULD give her space. I just wouldn't have any illusions about what she's likely doing, and I would let her KNOW that you have no illusions. This would be very early for a true fog-lifting, in my opinion.
