She said she was getting frustrated as she says that right now she feels we're roommates that are friends and is still uncomfortable about the level of "affection" I show her (hugs, kiss, touches and hand holding). I had tried to tone it down to just a hug and kiss in the morning, when she gets home and when we go to bed. I know I still touch her while we are sitting next to each other. Particularly last nite as we were watching episode 6 of season 1 of Lost - the Korean wife was torn of leaving her husband before getting on the plane. It touched me emotionally and I thought her as well so I know I got too huggy/touchy as she said "stop it", which I did.
Yea no more of this. Don't touch, kiss, or say ILY anymore. It makes her feel guilty and pressured to respond in kind.
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She told me that she still hasn't found a reason to change her mind. She had spent the first 2 weeks really trying, but just couldn't find any positive feelings left and that it has all been replaced by negative. She feels that no matter how much I have changed, she will still see the person who hurt, frustrated and made her so angry. I told her I was sorry to hear that, but I had expected that she wouldn't be able to find any emotional reason when she was feeling that way.
2 weeks is nothing, it'll take more like 2 months and that's after you've pulled away from her. She'll get over it eventually as you continue to not argue with her and agree with her feelings. Feelings can take a long time to change but that always do.
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She felt that the option was either get a divorce or stay miserable.
They don't ever consider the fact that they'll still be miserable even with a divorce. Divorce =/= Happiness.
Don't tell her you are fixing things, show her. Also as hard as it is to do, agree with her that a divorce is the best option. That will help drop her resistance. The more you resist the D, the more she'll push for it.
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She said she's torn as part of her thinks I'm acting this way out of desperation and that she is also frustrated that I had actually "gotten it" now. She wished I hadn't as it would have been easier.
My W said the exact same thing the first time she left.
There's is hope but not anytime soon. She needs to let go of her anger and for that to happen you need to let go of her. You are too much in her face and every time she sees you it's just a reminder. You need to GAL and start treating her more "coldly" for lack of a better word. Give her what she "says" she wants and she'll find out that sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for...
No more R talks like above from you anymore. She needs to start the talks and for now. Don't contact her first anymore either. It's going to be a waiting game for you now as she deals with all of this and the best thing you can do is nothing at all. Every time you say something you run the risk of slipping plus I'm sure she expects more of the same anyway. You stopping R talks will help her not feel pressure and surprise her as well.
Me:38 W:40 Bomb/EA 03/08 Recon twice 1/09 W files for D Story
