Don't rely on the kids to tell your H anything, be honest with your H if this is truley in your plans (Moving). Eventhough your H is a jerk, being close to him, allows the kids to see their dad and gives you some free time to yourself.
I know Jeff. I'm still looking for jobs in this area, and haven't given up 100% yet. If I got a job in this area, I would def. stay. But I have started looking elsewhere this past couple weeks since my area is tough right now. If I found out I was going to move, I would immediately tell H, but don't really want to start a fight over something that may not happen. Prob. an expensive fight with the Ls and all too... Karen