Which direction do I go?

[faithisbelieving]

Ping1...I never posted to you before and what I have to say MAY anger a lot of people here. Some will say that I am projecting my own sitch onto you.Perhaps, I am...but...I feel I must add an opinion.

First off...for the first time....I will use the word that I hate with a passion here...babystep. This MAY be a babystep.

I saw the movie Fireproof and saw it with my friend FaithfulH. I also got the companion book that goes with it. It IS a powerful movie, but, like all Cinderella stories, we all don't live 'happily ever after.'

First off, NOWHERE did I see that you wife wants to reconcile.

She said she had already hurt me enough and she would hate to see me end relationship with GF and then things not work out for us as that is the last thing she wanted to ever do again was to hurt me.

One of the nastiest things about this bulletin board is that people will see eternal hope. And why not? We all virtually LIVE to help save someone's marriage. In many areas tho', I think we fail to see reality.

Your wife is expressing hurt and pain that she may need to get out in order to heal. Nowhere has she said she wants back in and she TELLS YOU that. Fireproof may simply have shown her how cruel she was to you and she may NOW be seeing that she needs you as a father and a friend vs. a spouse.

Secondly, I see you renewing pursuit. I read 'weak' behavior...apologizing, calling,etc. She even TELLS YOU to stop apologizing. I am not going to pull this 'alpha male' crap, but, if there IS HOPE, I think you are handling your one possible chance, well....well...it could be handled better. You can't go running back with your tail between your legs and suddenly expect to hear , "Honey, I'm home". What does it say when you say, "I'll stop my life and drop my GF for you?". Is that strong? Personally, I would prefer HER to ask YOU if you would 'drop her' if she expressed the desire to work this.

I DO THINK you should be available. I DO THINK you should listen. I DO think that if SHE brings up the opportunity to go for a walk..to talk....etc...you should be available.

I DON'T THINK you should renew old behavior....I love you's, calling, apologzing, etc. Wanna push her away?

FIND A BETTER METHOD.

YES ping...I see 'an opportunity' to be a man for her. I also you as a big setup for another spear in the heart. Reread KerryK's note.

The more complicated issue is the woman you are with. Although she is probably a 'transitional' relationship, it would be a shame for you to throw this away for an angry woman who is finally able to express repressed emotions but have no inner desire to do the work to restore what you had.

STOP.

THINK.

DON'T OVERREACT

Without knowing you....I want you to be happy. In summary, I see...let's just say...a positive opportunity. Don't go back to old ways to win back something that may not exist. Keep open. Don't pursue. Don't wimp out and be a mushy, apologetic, emotional guy. Do be the mature, leading guy that is mature enough to listen to your X and step back and see what's there without being lead over the cliff again.

You know what to do.

Bless you and I pray, like others here, that you will choose your path and find happiness.
FIB