Harville Hendrix Getting the love you want. has a chapter in it on just that. I cant remember the steps exactly but it very similar to what you 2 did this morning. Maybe check it out from the Library?
My Hubby and I are doing this too. If he stumbles? I call him on it and he says ok I am going to let you go and I am going to call you back and we will start over!~!~!
It works wonders it turns communication into communion. Keep it up love.... isn't it delicious?
Harville Hendrix Getting the love you want. has a chapter in it on just that. I cant remember the steps exactly but it very similar to what you 2 did this morning. Maybe check it out from the Library?
My Hubby and I are doing this too. If he stumbles? I call him on it and he says ok I am going to let you go and I am going to call you back and we will start over!~!~!
It works wonders it turns communication into communion. Keep it up love.... isn't it delicious?
I am continuing to have good breakthroughs. Its great, actually! Just a few months ago I was heartbroken, thinking we might not make it after all this time...and then finally, he seemed to have walked through the door marked "understanding". I was waiting there for him, and we walked through together, I guess.
And my house continues to get cuter, brighter and cozier! We are actually starting to wonder if we shouldn't just stay for a while after all...instead of selling it just yet...hmmm....maybe put in a hot tub...
The weekend was great. No sex, but we did act very sexual toward each other several times, but this is standard for us (daily making out or rough play, whee!)
I am continuing to have good breakthroughs. Its great, actually! Just a few months ago I was heartbroken, thinking we might not make it after all this time...and then finally, he seemed to have walked through the door marked "understanding". I was waiting there for him, and we walked through together, I guess.
And my house continues to get cuter, brighter and cozier! We are actually starting to wonder if we shouldn't just stay for a while after all...instead of selling it just yet...hmmm....maybe put in a hot tub...
The weekend was great. No sex, but we did act very sexual toward each other several times, but this is standard for us (daily making out or rough play, whee!)
I hope everyone else had a great weekend, too!
DQ
I am so thrilled to read this!~!~ Good for you . You deserve every bit of Happiness the Universe is giving you. You are so beautiful. Love, Ali
OK Here's my VDay update, hopefully others will post their updates, too!
Still working on the house every single spare moment. This much "togetherness" can usually breed fights between us, and this weekend we stubled upon a couple of fires to put out. But we were successful at it in ways we previously would not have been able to accomplish. So - yay! Still working, still breaking through, still avoiding fights. And even the one argument that did turn into a fight....we changed it around within an hour and repaired from it. This is something that in the past we couldn't do for several days sometimes.
We also went shopping for house stuff (versus just the hard labor) and I got to buy curtains, furniture, duvet covers, etc. This is the part of the house journey I have been waiting for. I couldn't do this part before now because it was pointless to bring in any of those things while we were still under construction and just get them all dirty and have no where to put them. We are finally at the stage where I can start to hang curtains (almost). Yippee!! Several hours of shopping for me, is like heaven. Whereas, me working my butt off on hard labor projects along side of him, is his idea of heaven, and I have been putting in all my free time for him that way. We are very much taking care of each other by doing this.
Also....I am getting to show him one of my little areas of genius. His genius is definitely in the contruction part of these projects (and then add in his ability to be OCD precise and perfect about things...this really makes a difference in the finished product). And I swoon over his abilities in these areas, believe me. It really DOES make me horny to have a man framing out walls in my basement, trust me! (meeeeeOW!)
But now he gets to see me put color and furniture and drapes everywhere. This is the part he is not good at...he can't make a decision about colors or furniture...he gets lost in all the choices and can't just pick one, so in the past he's always gone for beige and black and white. But I, on the other hand, live for this part, and the things I pick, he always ends up standing back and just loving on me for being able to put some color and drapes together that make him really happy. Not too girly, I always keep his masculine tastes in mind, but I also put a soft edge on everything that appeals to my tastes. He LOVES it and loves me for it.
So we got to really impress each other this weekend, truly. And that's always nice.
The only real problem (not a fight but a technical issue) we had was this morning, the painter got there and he was going to paint the trim, windows and closets in what will be our new bedroom. Well, one of my closets up there is "the sex closet" and we have a pad lock on it. The painter was asking my fiance what to do about this, as he can't appropriately paint the doors and trim of the closet if he can't open them. So fiance and I had a quick meeting of "well, where could we put the stuff in the meantime?" The answer is, there is NO WHERE we can quickly move it all, because the contents of that closet just can't be hidden under a blanket somewhere. First of all, there is just too much of it (an entire closet full, both of hanging stuff and then also shoes, boots, boxes full of playthings, etc). Second of all, even if we tried to throw it in a corner with a blanket over it, there is no corner in the entire house that is not a construction zone right now so it would be dusty, dirty, and be getting kicked around for the next few days as other projects continue...ie: the feather boas and gigantic slut boots are going to be peeking out from under the blankets even if we tried!
Soo....my final idea was to tell the painter we'd be painting that closet ourselves and not to touch it....LOL! Yeah, that's not sounding all weird and secretive about what's in the closet.
I'm just laughing! I feel so lucky that I even HAVE this problem!
For VDay we literally worked until past midnight and then fell asleep...but we did go to a beautiful breakfast the next day....rented a movie....did my home shopping, etc. No sex as aunt flo is here, but by tonight I am ready, and I already warned him it is going to happen, by announcing I'm going to ride him into the sunset tonight....to which he replied "I'll get my saddle out". LOL!
I hope everyone else has had, if not a great weekend, at least some sort of breakthrough on their situations....good or bad.
DQ: The "sex closet" cracks me up. OMG... To have a repetoire that requires an entire closet... With BOAS! I don't know if I could ever pull it off. You go, girl. You are a great force of sexuality!
P.S. I think I would've opened the closet and made him paint it. For some reason, I think it's kind of fun to shock strangers. I mean, what would he do anyway? He might be uncomfortable, he might think it's cool, he might be curious and start exploring his own sex life...
HI girl! I love your idea about just letting the painter take the doors off and then just let it shock him! LOL! Unfortunately, this man is a friend of my fiance, and we don't really want him to know just how far down the rabbit hole we can go, if you know what I mean. The contents of the closet speak a pretty loud story about some pretty wild sexual activity!
But....even if he were a total stranger, and even if I had that hair up my rear to shock him....my fiance wouldn't let it happen. He is very possessive and definitely doesn't want strangers (or friends, or anyone else for that matter) to see anything that goes on my body next to my skin.
For instance, I have a table in my laundry room where I lay out undies and bras and delicates to dry flat. So at any given time, there may be one to five pieces of undies, etc. laying out on that table (this is my daily wear stuff, not the sex stuff). Well, if we are having contractors or friends or ANYONE over to the house, and if I don't scurry down to pick up any undies off the laundry table BEFORE people come over, I get in trouble. Not "for real" trouble, but he will teasingly accuse me of doing what you suggested above - - allowing someone to see my undies in an act of defiance or just to shock them! So I make sure he never thinks I am trying to show off my panties or my sex closet....for risk of getting a spanking.
Sometimes, when I legitimately do "forget", and he has to scurry and hide panties while contractors are walking through...well at those times, I definitely get the spanking alright. One would think I do this on purpose???
We still have not gone back to counseling, but we still have been doing so well that I am not that worried about it.
Our house is coming along, and this week will see two of the three rooms we are working on completed, along with new furniture and carpet. Sigh....its all so beautiful...maybe I will link a flickr page and show some pics...
The frequency of sex has picked up a lot as our emotional issues have been better. And I find in retrospect, that I'm glad for the 2-3 month period when the frequency had really diminished. It gave us both time to step back and make sure we loved each other in ALL WAYS, versus just sexually. We *knew* we did have our love in all other ways too, but...we had never gone any amount of time without frequent sex, so it was very hard to know for sure, you know? But now....we *know* that during our roughest moments, and during that time which we didn't have sex to fall back on for comfort, we still turned toward each other and wanted to fight for each other and make it work.
So ... we had sex three times this weekend and I am about as happy as I can get. Whee!
A thought occured to me this weekend about basic attraction, and how between Mr.DQ and myself there is a very strong amount of physical attraction that never wanes...and that made me think about how, if I was not so physically attracted to him, I don't know if my body would respond sexually so well...not sure how to put this right but, if you love your spouse, and you are attracted to them *but* they are becoming less attractive to you for emotional or physical reasons, then will you have a hard time responding to them in bed? I guess I was just wondering this because I had the thought that if I wasn't so attracted to him, I might not want sex so much....I have no way to test this theory....hm.....
I think the emotional part is as big if not a bigger influence for women. My wife has said she isn't emotionally attracted to me at this time and it is why she doesn't want to have sex with me. I even got the "why would I want to have sex with you when...." Big list followed of things wrong with me in how I reacted to xxx, what I said, how I said it, etc... She didn't say anything about me physically but then maybe she just didn't get to it. I am working pretty hard to try to get the emotional and support end repaired and think/hope we've made some progress but I've got a ways to go to get to where your at - you had sex as much this weekend as I've had so far this year and that is actually an increase in activity for me from last year - so far.
