I know God is workoing just by how I am and how I am doing. Couldn't get here alone. Sorry to you both if I sound defensive. I get lonely from time to time. I am dealing with more and more each day in my life. My outlets are few. I can deal with it, but loneliness is the one thing in life I fear. I really mean fear...
I do not check Gods presence or activity, I check mine...I will go dark again adn will contact you two when I get the lonely itch. There is no end in sight for this, that I know, the walk continues, but it is now silent, just walking no talking.
I have missed church. I didn't make it last week and won't this week either cuz of work. I really miss going. I feel the difference when I don't go.
I am afradi of completely detaching from her because I know what that will mean, and I am here to keep that from happening. I am detached, mostly, I know. But complete detachment, in my heart and soul will be just that. And that will not bring her back, save my marriage or do anything else, but make me move on down the road without her, without and desire for her to be there. Fear number 2. there you have it. I can completely detach. I have no doubt. Once that happens, reconciliation or anything remotely close to that will virtually be out the window. I believe that to be true. I am still forgiving, everyday, I am waiting, on me, every day. Waiting on me to decide where to go and what to do...
