I text W today to tell her how cold it was in Florida. She text back hopw cold it is in NH. We text back and forth a couple of times. Told her to have a great day. She said thanks, you too. Is it wrong to initiate this type of contact. I have no contact with her other than last Friday about money she thought she had for car insurance. I know in LRT, I need to not initate, but I don't know if it is a mistake or good on my part to throw out little things like that. Any opinions?
Relief. I know its crazy, but detachment without any contact is easy. My dreams suck, they hard and tortuous. My communication with her is light, not emotional, and me, the kind of me I used to be and currently am.
I need to feel my detachment, not just say it because I am not around her at any level. It did that, it calmed me, and I felt relief. I have felt great all day....
Amy, where does that put me? I believe I am detaching well, I am focused on way too many other thiongs, but wonder if that was a way to say, saw it , now focus back on everything else....
I have faith believe me. It is hard not to check her temperature after 31 years. My only other alternative is to walk, and I don't mean the one I'm on.
I am detaqching, i know that by how I feel around her and how I don't need to see her, hear from her or whatever. But every now and then I like to touch base with her, lightly, that's all. I can not shut off my feelings the way she did, which is why I am here. If I had no faith in this or Him, I would bolt and save my self a ton af aggravation, frustration and pain.
When I get to a point where I just don't feel like I care about her, I feel the need to contact her. Sorry I get this way. But 31 years will do it to you. If she were dead, I would be at her grave, no less detached.
Not true....AmyC is trying to help you see how to shorten the path...or at least not lengthen it...you shouldn't be so quick to get defensive. Do you notice how you quickly respond when given advice?...."I'm already doing that"....Take the advice with humility and grace!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
I have faith believe me. It is hard not to check her temperature after 31 years. My only other alternative is to walk, and I don't mean the one I'm on.
So what I hear you saying is you either have to keep checking to see if there is any evidence that God is doing a work in your wife or you have to quit standing and move on with your life.
I know God is workoing just by how I am and how I am doing. Couldn't get here alone. Sorry to you both if I sound defensive. I get lonely from time to time. I am dealing with more and more each day in my life. My outlets are few. I can deal with it, but loneliness is the one thing in life I fear. I really mean fear...
I do not check Gods presence or activity, I check mine...I will go dark again adn will contact you two when I get the lonely itch. There is no end in sight for this, that I know, the walk continues, but it is now silent, just walking no talking.
I have missed church. I didn't make it last week and won't this week either cuz of work. I really miss going. I feel the difference when I don't go.
I am afradi of completely detaching from her because I know what that will mean, and I am here to keep that from happening. I am detached, mostly, I know. But complete detachment, in my heart and soul will be just that. And that will not bring her back, save my marriage or do anything else, but make me move on down the road without her, without and desire for her to be there. Fear number 2. there you have it. I can completely detach. I have no doubt. Once that happens, reconciliation or anything remotely close to that will virtually be out the window. I believe that to be true. I am still forgiving, everyday, I am waiting, on me, every day. Waiting on me to decide where to go and what to do...
thanks for the 2X4, it is why I posted and asked you where I seem to be at. guess i already knew. traveling is hard, think about her more, because I thought about her all the time when I was on the road, got me thru my days....Now I work harder so I won't think of her. And then, bam, a few minutes alone sitting in a lobby or in my room.....Its not right or fair, but nothing in life seems to be. Can't wait to get home, see my kids, see my boys... get normal....I just can't help myself, afraid too...
trip is over, thank God....Came home at 2:00 AM and found D21 had overfilled the boiler so it had to be drained. Went to bed at 3:00 AM and to work for 7. I am shot. Dealing with things better. Line dancing was great last night, had a lot of fun. going to a VD dance Saturday night, should be a blast.
Need to do my taxes and catch up on some bills. I will most likely stay in tonight get some rest, and do my bills and even my taxes. really need to catch up on sleep. everything else is going steadily now. rereading the article on detachment, what it is, what it is about , how to do it, and what happens if you don't. FaithfulH had guided me there and it is very good. trying another new outlook as my other one is wearing away and leaving me looking over my shoulder again. So far I am doing well. D21 handed my W her mail last week while I was gone. she told her that I wanted to make sure she got it becuase her W2's were in. Her response was "oh..." I think it took her back. As far as I know she took them. Going through the pile tonight will be fun....But I want it done out of the way....So far having D21 and her boyfriend with me has been good. D17 is still a struggle, but better.
