Maybe I havent changed as much either... I dont know anymore. I am trying to think today what could he do to make me feel better towards him.
I guess a real apology, although romantic, seems important to me. I need the story. I NEED the story. I dont want the story. I NEED it. I wish he loved me enough to get over his guilt and selfshiness and approach me, hold me, talk to me sweetly and show me love. I wish he was strong enough to watch me cry, hear me out, discuss, explain and spend time healing. One time for 5 hours, next for 3, next for 1 and then leave it all behind. But I cant have discussions with boundaries and not permitted areas by him. He would have to be ready and willing to talk about anything and everything.
I guess naej is right. I could overcome alot if I felt his love. I know FG and fb2 will disagree and fb2 will tell me to show him love but I feel I have the "right" to be given some attention before I can get emotional with him. Because I dont feel loving with him. Not at all.
He called earlier and asked if he could come home tonight. We had said something about going out but not made any arrangements. I said yes, he can come home. I am afraid when I see him I will start crying and never stop... K
