Wife is really torn up by the way I got on with women before I met her. I really knew a lot of girls before her and that has never stopped bothering her.
I gave wife the book and she read the chapter but has yet to indulge my ego or comfort my fears. She won't put back on her wedding band.
She said "we have a long road ahead of us and we will both have our hard days" I replied by saying that it would be a lot easier journey if I knew that she wouldn't bail out along the way again. She left that silent and told me she has to sleep now.
I feel so insecure about everything now. I just want to know we are partners and that this time I won't let her down and she wont let me down.
Security and trust only come with time. It saddens me that your W doesn't seem able to try to assaugue you feelings at this point. She doesn't seem to be very honest and is avoiding dealing with things.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
My step mother is here trying to coach us through this. She spent the morning talking to her and then we spent the day together and I said nothing because I didn't want to crowd my wife. About 9:30 pm I said I had some things I needed to get off my chest and my wife told me that I am selfish and I only care about her to the extent of how she feels about me because she is tired and she went to bed. After all these months and what I have endured for that little diva? I am thinking that I need to run away.
here is where we are now. It is no where near where I had hoped or even thought.
We have been separated for 6 months. She wants 12 more with a 6 month re-evaluation. She wants me to prove my emotional and financial stability before she commits to marriage again.
She says she wants to be happily married to me but that she will not be able to do it unless I prove this to her.
She says she will show me no encouragement along the way because she wants me to be stronger than I have been and do it on my own.
As far as her affair. She said she will not sleep with that guy again but she will continue to be his friend. I trust her because she has never lied to me.
This is very one sided and it feels cruel. I can do the financial thing but a rigid 6 months with no love from her seems to be opposite of the reason to save the marriage.
This is very one sided and it feels cruel. I can do the financial thing but a rigid 6 months with no love from her seems to be opposite of the reason to save the marriage.
Then I would suggest you reject her "offer." It's only going to lead to further resentment, IMHO.
It is the only offer. What she says is that if I can do this, then she will be able to forgive me for 5 years of neglect and that she will ask me for forgiveness and she will really work to make my pain from it go away, but I have to achieve goals first and this is not a negotiation. I do it or it is divorce.
