The Unfaithful Wife - That's Still Me #3

[25yearsmlc]

Mel,

how are you doing now?

[[[Stuck - where is your thread so we can follow your sitch in your own spot? Since I used to have trouble with posting the threads and the site has changed some, I'm not sure if you also have trouble posting your own thread or if I just cannot find it--no offense meant btw - I just don't want to ignore your post but want to put it wherever you are hangin' out )]]

But Mel, you are really at a confused place, and so is he. Fine. But the thing that is so great in this one instance is that you were both able to see past your anger, momentarily I realize, but still. And what you saw in both of your posts was love, compassion, and pain, and then a lot of anger.


Since we knew about the anger....what we learned is mostly good. Here is what is NOT confusing...He still drinks, but alludes to possibly having a problem with it. Don't hold your breath, but you can inwardly acknowlege that it is a potentially good sign... He is "with" OW, in some... totally unacceptable form. And in denial about it. And He is too angry to be with you right now.

I say all this b/c I want to nudge you into realizing that even though your feelings are deeply mixed, you do "know" the scoop here. You know what has to happen and that it may not happen ever, or "in time" for you. So, keep GAL, having a PMA, and that does NOT preclude you from keeping your heart and mind open to at least a decent R with him...or more, later on. Remember my cousin who divorced and remarried his ex 8 years later? They both don't drink now. Or at least she doesn't. And it had been a problem for her. HE didn't "make her" go to AA. They divorced! She went later on, all on her own. They had a kid, saw each other occasionally and eventually often enough b/c cool things with their kid winning some events, allowed them to become friends again. And the rest is history. But if she had not stopped the booze, none of that would or could or should have happened. Make sense? Oh btw, they are happier now than they were all those years ago and this 2nd M is now 14 years long...

In some ways, your path is really clear. Hard, but not complicated. Painful as hell, but under these circumstances...simple. Do you get what I'm saying? If and when the circumstances change....Well, then you cross that bridge. No need to plan ahead on all that. Too many unknowns and you have a full plate today, now. And btw, do you want to stay in NM or what? Is it all about him? his job?

((( hugs )))

( j )