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[Punktmann]

Lyfe, some quick forum advice. If you want people to help, stick with one thread until it locks up, then start a new one. Not a new thread for each issue. It makes it 100 times easier for people who are trying to follow your story to find you and keep up with events.


Welcome to MLC. Or rather, welcome to the place where you are among friends who actually understand.

Then I get a txt one day in Aug 08 that we failed in our marriage and that she doesnt want to continue on and that she gave up a long time ago actually years ago.....

W sent me a txt saying be honest about our situation and let her go...........

And then....

When she got there, I explained the dissolution papers and she starts to cry and says she knew I was not trying to be with her and that she could not believe I went and talked to an attorney.........

Also...

My grandfather passed and I chose not to tell my W due to her lack of concern for my father. I just could not take a chance at being disappointed again. Well, she found out somehow and let me know in a txt that she couldn't believe I would do something like that. I called her to explain, but she has yet to respond.

Ok, here's your first 2x4. Everything is your fault. If you tell her, you're trying to reconnect w/ her from need and causing pressure. If you don't, when she finds out she feels guilt, and guilt is pressure.

Get used to this right now, today. Go ahead and vent about it here, but expect it from this point forward.

Please search for and read MLC Resources on this thread or it's archive.

My counselor said I should give myself a time limit for when I should say enough is enough waiting for her to come around because Im causing myself more emotional damage.

That's an interesting approach, but I'm not sure I agree. I think that it's a little healthier, for you, to assign the point of no return to certain "events." E.g. she moves in with OM, she files for D, she empties all bank accounts, etc. Also known as setting boundaries. I suppose that a time limit could also be considered an "event," or boundary, but unless it gets extremely long, it just doesn't seem very patient or loving when considering the nature of MLC.

Perhaps that just doesn't agree with me b/c kids were involved in my sit.


Best, Punkt.