Trying to let go........with love!

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, (((((BM))))).

I know that everything you say is true. I know it is! I just fell down that ladder again with a huge SPLAT and I'm pretty shell shocked still.

I've had a couple contacts with H today. Once when I called to tell him info I found out, and once when he called me regarding how to pay a bill. Both contacts were calm and cordial.

My biggest concern now is my S. I called him this afternoon on his cell when he was on the bus on the way home. Told him to come straight home. He said he would see me in a half hour. That was 2.5 hours ago. His cell has been turned off. So, I called his friend's cells and tracked him down. He was playing X-Box with friend that went with us to dream house this past weekend. They say they weren't doing drugs.......yea right. This behavior scares the crap out of me. Treatment can't be successful unless S wants it, and he just seems completely cavalier about the whole thing. C said that it is normal that he is reluctant, but........

I'm scared to death!! And I don't have my partner to hold my hand through this. I don't know if I can ever forgive H for abandoning me when I need him most.

S just came in the door....