For the Guy with Kids and a WW 23

[hopeful4her]

For example, do I think that the wife thinks that I've given up on her? On our marriage? Do I think that the wife thinks that I'm okay with what she has done or is doing?

I know that she thinks that I think that this is all about OM. That she left me for him. She keeps telling me that that isn't what it was about. But don't they all say or believe that?


Last night, she paid for the food. I had gone to get the ice cream cake and cards. We had a good time. Towards the end, the kids were walking around in and out of the place. I chatted a little with the wife. We talked about work and some other stuff. We talked about D7 being sick. I asked what happened when she had tried to call her mom to try to pick up D7 for us. By then, the kids were back sitting down with us.

The wife went into an explaination of how her mother is not a reliable person. Her and S14 also told a story about a recent telephone conversation with her went. The wife's little sister as well. Several examples. S14 is NOT happy with his grandma. I began to say that it has always been that way. The only people that we are really able to rely on was sitting at the table. We had to rely on each other. D11 then mentioned how messed up her mothers side of the family was. The wife agreed with her.

The wife then says how D11's grandmother is just in her own little world, because of the man she has chosen to be with.

??????? I always hold off on truth darts when the kids are around.

I also let D11 know that my side of the family has its own issues, too.

D11 says, "Our family is messed up". She looks dejected.

The wife didn't hear exactly what she said. The wife says,

"My family has its issues and your dads family has issues".

D11 repeats herself. "OUR family is messed up!"

The wife asks her what she means. D11 isn't talking. The wife keeps asking what she means, but D11 keeps quiet. I finally say in defense of D11, "She doesn't like to talk about it", and give D11 a shoulder rub. The look on the wife's face was like she was daring D11 to say something so she could start with her explaining. How yes, it was ALL her fault. She's the one that caused it all. Blah, blah. She knew it with out having to say it. We ALL knew it with out her having to say it.

We all changed the subject. It was a Bday after all. The kids ended up walking around again. The wife talked about how she might need help on the 24th because she will be retaking that test at work again. The one she failed a few months ago. She was supposed to retake it in December but they never set it up. Checking my phone, I told her that the girls would be with me any way. She then asked me if I worked this Saturday. I told her I was off. She said that she had to work and if I could pick up the girls Saturday morning like I did the other week, since S15 was going to have several friends spending the night Friday night. She didn't want the girls there with all the boys, alone.

I kept looking at my phone calendar saying, "Uhh....mmmmm". Like I was checking my schedule.

Of COURSE I'm going to pick up the kids!

She says, "If you don't have anything planned, I mean. If you do, then...."
"No....I think I can get them. I don't THINK I have anything planned yet." I'm still looking at my phone.

She also got several calls and texts. She never looked at her phone until we were discussing her mother. S15 was saying how disappointed he was with his grandmother, she hadn't even called to tell him happy bday. She looked at her phone to check if maybe she called her phone. She looked at it, scrolled and said that her little sister had texted something, but nothing from her mom. She then put her phone right away.

Thinking back, the family discussion was the last things that we talked about before we left. We had already discussed me picking up the girls Saturday, when the discussion about her mom came up and then the thing with D11.

When we finally left, you could tell that she was forced to face a reality that D11 is NOT all hunky dory with what she has chosen. That D11 DOES have an issue with our separation. The WW always thinks that the kids are resilient and will get through it all with flying colors. She got another small dose of the reality of things. Trying to clear the table, she was a bit angry and throwing things around.

Outside the restaurant, I was talking to S15 about how I couldn't believe how old he was and started talking about old memories of the beginnings of our little family. The nicknames I used to call him. Some specific memories of the 3 of us having a blast together playing in a play tent filled with plastic balls that we used to have when he was 2. The wife was listening in. She remembered. I was reliving a few things with him. Then I started having fun with the girls. Them hanging on me. Jumping on me. Tickling each other, as usual. After about 15 minutes of that, I told them they had to get going. I put them in the car, but D7 was all worked up and wanted to keep on playing. Lots of goodbyes and I love you's. I told S15 happy bday again and that I loved him, I closed the doors and walked to my car.

The girls rolled down the windows and were waving and yelling goodbye to me. I followed the wife, since we had to go the same way. On the road, the girls were still waving. I pulled beside them at the light and I waved back. The wife and I even had a little drag race, until we got to her entrance to the apartment. Turning in, she flashed her brights at me as I continued on and gave a final wave out the window.

And I went home.

Alone.