The Unfaithful Wife - That's Still Me #3

[MrBond]

Sorry to hijack Mel, but to address MLC's question about the acknowledgement of the A.

In my sitch, my W was always paranoid about me cheating on her. Her father walked out on her mom when she was 6, so I think she always had that fear. And I'm not exaggerating this either. Up until the month she had the A she kept asking me if I would ever cheat on her and I said 'no'. Now she's been saying this for 17 years.

What happens is that people who are fixated on things like that end up becoming what they fear. Which in her case is a cheater. What ends up happening is her denial and shame, embarrassment, anger at herself, etc. get projected onto me. It's pretty textbook psychology especially for those with low self-esteem. This is from what I've read and from my C.

What will happen is that because in her mind I'm the cause of her misery she believes that moving on is her best option. But what'll end up happening is that she'll repeat the same pattern in her next relationship until her self-esteem issues are resolved.

I'm perfectly happy to let her go off and discover this on her own, however I don't want my kids to be dragged along with her on her journey.

From her actions, she's shown that a part of her knows it was wrong and is trying to do little things for me. However, she's convinced herself that she's never loved me ever and so will want nothing more to do with me. It's her own internal struggle.

I have already lovingly opened the door for her to leave any time she wanted to and set her free. However, she came home on her own without any prodding from me yet considers us separated and she says we can never be together again.

So that's why in my sitch, that understanding of who she is and why she did what she did is so important to her understanding herself and our R.

Whew!