So, On New Years Day my wife came home from having spent the night with her girlfriends at a hotel party. She had taken off her rings. She told me she wanted to separate. Long story short, I moved out on the 16th of Jan. By the following Friday night, she had taken some guy home that she knew for about a week. Totally lied to me, then did it again the next week.
I know why she was acting out. I was not a very nice guy to be with over the past year. I accept that I pushed her to this point. Now the rest of the story...
I didn't want this marriage to end. I believe there is too much worth saving. (I did everything wrong prior to reading the DR, it was like the book was describing my daily activities).
I implemented the "Last Resort" last Saturday, but with a kicker. I told her "if divorce is what you really want, I'm ready to give you your freedom, but if you think there is any chance of fixing this, then we can't be with other people" (I know i broke the rule, but she was giving tiny signs of interest).
Well, fast forward to today.
Monday- She calls me and says that she isnt going to see the OM anymore. (I said, "thanks for taking that step of faith")
Tuesday- She calls and mentions a "Weekend to remember" marriage fixing seminar. This thing includes a "date night" on Valentines Day of all things (talk about pressure)I said I was all for it.
Weds- She has a minor CS procedure, and calls me to come be with her.
So, like I asked, am I wrong to be nervous that this change happened so quickly? My goals started ticking off as hit so fast it was like a pinball machine. I DONT WANT TO SCREW THIS UP AND IT IS SCARING THE HELL OUT OF ME!
I can't be the guy I was. Why would I want to. I don't want to go back to the way things were. That's what got me here.
Yup, be nervous, be cautious. Do not act overly excited and get mushy on her. This could play out a number of ways and yes the turn around seems faster than usual.
Don't want to rain on your parade but you may discover in a few weeks that she still has other guys, they are just better hidden now.
It is possible by your going almost directly to the Last Resort technique that you stopped her in her tracks. That would be great, but don't blow it by coming her way too quickly.
Maybe she proved her point, made her statement, blew off some steam. Now that she feels she got your attention or got "even" or whatever she was after, now she is ready to settle down and see how it goes with you and your changes.
It is also possible that she got out, got a taste of the wild life and then realized that you were her security blanket and came back. Be prepared for her to go into cake eating mode. She is with you for stability and then when you turn your back, she is running wild.
Too soon to tell which but be wary, be cautious. DO NOT start waving your victory flag yet.
I've seen stuff in worst situations than yours turn around in 6 or 8 weeks so it IS possible but it is not common. Here's hoping you are one of the lucky ones.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
Thanks, there is that thought in the back of my head that she has the perfect world. I guy for the night side and a guy for the light of day. I am going to be very careful. I always have to remember that when something looks too good to be true, it usually is.
I can't be the guy I was. Why would I want to. I don't want to go back to the way things were. That's what got me here.
That is absolutely the case. I would say just enjoy the good. IF you keep your head out of the sand, an affair is pretty easy to spot and will usually reveal itself soon enough.
Just enjoy the time you to have with her, go the marriage fixer thing, and DB your ass off in the mean time. You gotta be encouraged that SHE is the one suggesting the marriage fixer. Maybe she got a walk on the wild side and realized you were it after all.
What is a CS procedure?
Good Luck, keep posting to us.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
