I kinda need 24 hour supervision to be able to lose 10 pounds.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Do they make a chastity belt type thing for the mouth? I could use something like that! Otherwise, they need to outlaw everything made with butter, cheese, and sugar. Can you imagine the blackmarket that would cause? We'd have bathtub butter vats like we once had bathtub gin during prohibition!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I keep having these dreams lately of my H. They are putting me in a bad mood in the mornings! They arent good dreams. I dream he is not really wanting to be with me, just wanting me to think so....then in my dreams he ends up breaking my heart....again.
Ugh! Things are going good though....its been about 5 weeks now since he asked if I would consider taking him back, with no mind changes....he is talking to his therapist every week about "us". I dont know where this may go, but 5 weeks is the longest ever! Usually its 2-3 weeks tops with signs before then....this time, things seem different.
I even talked about him watching the kids for me the weekend of v-day for me to work and invited him to the valentines banquet at church with me and the kids and he said he would come.
I hope everyone is having a good day!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
He had a down episode yesterday. First in a little while. He did say it was because his aunt was dying and he didnt have the money to travel out of state to see her. What puzzled me is that he hadnt seen his aunt in 10 years and never saw her much to begin with. I dont know though. He was short and quiet with me all day yesterday and even snapped at the kids while he had them. He even apologized to me since he didnt back me up on a punishment I had given my son. Then I heard nothing else from him after he dropped the kids off which is unusual.
He questioned me alot yesterday, wanted to know what I had been thinking. Wanted to know how come we were getting along so good lately. I based it on the fact that there was NO OW involved right now, he didnt get it though. But said he was thinking alot about things, about how different they were, how different they would be, things like that. Today he is back to normal. Said he wasnt in a talkative mood last night and didnt have his phone on him.
This is where the trust thing comes in. I dont trust that he was alone last night, although I dont know. I get like this when I dont hear from him, sometimes I make up things that he is doing, when all he would be doing is eating dinner with his folks, and I have no idea and then my mind wanders...He has really messed up my trust in him. BIG issue to work on.
Oh, has anyone heard from Dar lately? I noticed she changed her profile name again and I havent noticed her on in a while.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Its so cold here tonight. We had a dusting of snow this morning. Wow, thats like 4 times this winter already! That hardly ever happens here on the coast.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I dont know if its my H or what. He has been distant the last couple of days again. It driving me insane. Im so glad the weekend is almost here and I will get some time to myself.
Sometimes I wonder why Im still hanging on to that last little thread of hope. My thoughts have been wondering the last few days of just telling my H that there is no hope and IM moving on.....but my heart wont let me.
Im so stressed out today. And to start the day off great....I looked out the kitchen window this morning and saw the sunlight reflecting light from my back yard.....my dear little boy had turned on the water hose and didnt turn it off all the way....the last time I knew he had been out back was 2 WEEKS AGO!!!!! Major water bill coming. Im just thankful he had already gone to school when I had noticed it. Gives me plenty of time to cool off before he gets out of school. He will never be allowed to touch the water hose again!!!!!!! Ugh!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I'm here sweetie. I haven't been posting because I'm seriously down myself. I certainly don't want to bring anyone else any lower.
The only advice and help I can give is this.....pray. Pray for understanding, softening of your H's heart, a hedge of protection around your family, and above all, guidance and direction.
Sorry about the ice pond in the back yard and the upcoming water bill. That stinks!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey Mishka...Im sorry you are down too. I guess we just have to learn patience and all that stuff....I thought I had right much of it really. But not lately. Anyway....
Yes, the upcoming water bill stinks! Hopefully they will let me adjust it. But I already had to do that over the summer when he did the same thing back then....he is no longer allowed to touch the water hose!
I sat down and made valentines day cards with my son tonight. Enjoyed doing that with him. Im trying to decide what to do about my H. I will probably do the usual and give him a card and candy. Gotta do all that this weekend because I will be swamped from Monday till valentines day at work!!
Last edited by kissak; 02/06/0901:38 AM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I had a talk with my H today. I needed to know what he was thinking. I needed to know where we stood with each other. I told him I was becoming impatient. Probably a no-no thing to do but I did it. Im glad I did. He said he didnt know. He told me he missed me and thought about me every day. He had been thinking about it alot. He wanted to know how come I never asked him before now. I told him that alot of times I dont ask questions that Im afraid to hear the answers to, but I needed to know. I told him that I knew of guys that wanted to go out with me and i was telling them no because Im not dating right now but mainly because I wanted my marriage to work and I felt there was still a chance.
We talked about a few other things. He wasnt happy to hear that I had not only went on one date with a certain guy but 2 dates. He didnt like that. (haha)
BUt finally...finally my husband came over to me and gave me a hug and said that he does love me. I cried and said that Im glad he said that because it had been a long time since he has said it. My H started crying too. Honestly, I have never seen this side of him. I felt a relief of some kind today. I know my H isnt inlove with me, but just for him to finally say it....it meant more than anything and to him Im sure it was a break through because he has never been able to say it.
He is scared though. Scared to come home and have things end up worse than now and that I may even tell him I dont want him here anymore. He still isnt ready yet. I know that and so does he. But it was a good talk.
I feel better.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
