Another One Bites the Dust (3)

[No Longer BH]

Thank you once again for all of the insight and definately for the support. Some days it is like you all are here helping me to stand back up. Most days I am good, and then <bam> something happens and I have to try and learn how to deal with it. Your wisdom and compassion have saved me time and time again.

I just need a place to let this out right now. I know I cant change the situation and crying over isnt going to fix it either. Still, part of me wants to ball my hands in a fist, stomp my feet and scream "No fair! No Fair!"

OEO pulled his paycheck. I knew it was a matter of time before he did it, but that doesnt lessen the anger whe it actually happend. My L called and talked to me about money. OEO is offering me what amounts to $300 less than what I need to even cover the utilites. He has said he would be responsible for the house payment as well. My L said that when you add it up it is 70% of OEO's salary and a judge would not give me that much. I told my L that if he is going to get credit for the house payment as part of support, then I want that money coming to me so I can make the payment. Here is the thing, OEO has no intension of making the house payment. He is going to stash that money aside along with the $1500 extra a month he will have and I am going to trying to keep my son fed and the utilites on. OEO let ALL of the utilites get so far behind that I now have 2 weeks to catch them all up or they will get disconnected. The gas bill is over $1000 behind alone. So, how am I going to pay these things when he has pulled the money??!!??

Then to top it off he sends me an email telling me how I am being a bad mother. I had a talk with my son about how we were going to have to cancel cable tv and the internet. My son didnt understand why (he is 9 1/2). I made a simple graph showing what is needed to live in a house....gas, electric, water, sewer, trash...and that right now money is really tight and we need to make sure these things are paid. In order to do that, we were going to have to cut back even further right now, but after the house sold and we get an apartment, then he could have those things again. Nothing too detailed, just a simple explination as to why he cant have things right now. I believe if he is old enough to ask the question, then he truly wants some kind of explination and I gave him one that was very age appropriate. I did not say "We can have these things because your dad took all of the money and now I am wondering how to make it when there isnt enough to pay for the utilities, let alone food and clothes for you." So, in the email I am accused of being a bad mother because I brought our son into our financial discussion and put unessary pressure on him. He deserves to be a kid and I am taking that away from him.....um, no, I'm not. You did that when you packed up and torn this family apart to chase your selfish dream of living with your maggot (for free I might add). You took it away when you left me to deal with cancer on my own and our son saw me day after day vomiting up blood and too weak to do much, and yet I was able to make it through. You did that when you placed our son in the middle by forcing him to come back into the house Tuesday night and want to know why it is that dad cant have his visitation in the home, even though your lawyer already informed you that you are no longer permitted inside. <sigh> Guess he still just needs me to be the bad guy. Heaven forbid he actually take some responsibility.

When does this end?????