T2- I know you feel like your life is imploding right now. We all have been/are there at one point or another in that. When I say this, it doesn't mean that I'm trivializing your feelings- far from it. What it DOES mean is that everybody goes through this. The fear is normal. The lack of appetite is normal. The lack of sleep is normal. The crazy feelings- it's all NORMAL. I can deal with most of it. The lack of sleep has not been something new, I have been dealing with that for almost a year now. I just don't sleep. No matter what time I go to bed I am awake by 2 and up watching tv. I have learned to run off of 4 hours of sleep.
And yes, it feels like crap. crap is an understatement at times.
But you're going to be okay. I know I will be. I feel better already. I think now that I know which way is up again I will be able to continue in that direction...for now.
Let yourself FEEL everything now. Cry. Scream into a pillow. Go to the local gym and beat the everlovin' stuffings out of a punching bag. (Not to be confused with the local JIM- I am not a punching bag. ) I would never punch you..there are other Jim's out there that I will locate for that.
I'm not going to get all long-winded on you (thanks for the subtle 200 lb. sledgehammer blow on the top of the head AmyC ) I was not aware of that. Jimbo...I appreciate the long-winded posts you have written. I really think they helped me. Yes, I will admit they were a part of my meltdown BUT it was what had to be done. Pussy footing around is not what I needed. I really did need the old wounds opened up because they were not healing correctly. Heck, they weren't healing at all they were just covered up. YOU opened my eyes to see that I was not moving forward but standing in one spot hoping life would just move around me. by quoting a TON of scientific studies that prove that releasing pent up emotions allows the body to flush out all the backed up chemicals that are stored in your system from repressed emotions. But let it all OUT, and I guarantee you will be MUCH better off than you feel you are now. I am feeling a little better. I have a headache but I know that is from the crying and stress.
This is not a road race- take all the time in the world. I actually took sick days ("mental health days"- a lot of them) off of work to stay home and work on me. I don't get paid for "mental health" days. I'm lucky to get paid for holidays. I just zone out at work and don't do anything (kind of like today).
Maybe I should cancel out on my activity this evening, and you and I can meet up and talk, yes? Thank you for that but you keep to your schedule. I have some things to take care of this evening. We are not playing poker so I don't have to worry about that. I appreciate your thoughtfulness though. Another time?!?
