I finally went out and had some fun last night. Good time.
The girls spent the night at the wife's place because I had to work today. D11 has one more Saturday class at her school and the wife was off today. We figured that it would be easier for them to just stay the night and I'll get them when I get off of work today.
I called her Thursday evening, after she had called and talked to the girls. She had called me earlier in the day to let me know that her W2 was on the dining table. We had a short discussion on filing our taxes and so forth. Nothing much. A little idle chatter.
I've noticed an Apartment Locator on the bar counter the past couple times I've been there and I was concerned about her moving. I called her and asked if she was able to talk. She said yes. I asked her, "Are you sure?"
"Yeeesss! Why?"
I hesitated to ask. I wanted to make sure to word my question so as not to make her defensive, but I just asked her if she was moving. We had a discussion about it. She isn't moving. She is going to renew for another 6 months. She WAS looking at trying to rent a house. She asked me why I was asking and I was honest with her and told her that I was just concerned about her moving far away, because it would affect my time with the girls. She said that she wouldn't do that.
At one point, she asked me WHERE I thought she would move to. Like as if she WANTED me to accuse her of going to say she was going to move in with OM or something. She said that she planned on staying in the school district and try not to disrupt the kids. Stay at the same schools. I was relieved to hear this. Somehow, we started to talk about the kids and how well they are doing in school and how good of kids they are.
At another point, she said that we are on good terms, just not together. Not sure her exact words. I didn't say anything, because at this point, she's right. We're on good terms and we're NOT together. Not that I LIKE hearing it.
The other day, I also figured out where the pic went. She has it on the computer desk where it can't be seen from outside the room.
After our little discussion, we talked a bit about our jobs. I told her my concern with having to work at the car lot and it limiting my time with the girls. She told me that I shouldn't worry about that stuff. That was when she mentioned the "we're on good terms" comment. She told me that I've been burned out on banking for years and that maybe I need a change anyway.
She's told me in the past, but my come back was always that it paid our bills and that I wasn't willing to do something else that was unknown and jeopordize the finances of the family. Another cross for me to bear. She just doesn't realize that I really enjoy what I do, its just a pain in the butt nowadays and very stressfull. She told me to apply at a credit union. I told her that our credit is screwed now and that it would be next to impossible to get into another financial institution. She said a few more goof ball comments that I had to correct her on.
We finally discussed if I should get D7 after school or if she was able to. She told me that she gets off at regular time and she'll pick up D7 Friday. I told her that I could get off a few minutes early like I always do on Fridays when I have the kids. She told me not to worry about it and dont make my boss mad because she can pick up D7. I told her that I don't get in trouble, but if she wanted to pick her up, then okay.
I had a hell of a sales day yesterday. I went out and beat the streets and was on a roll with new consumer and business clients. That also meant a ton of paperwork. The wife calls me at 5:40.
"Uh, are you going to get off on time today?"
I told her that I wasn't getting off early, because she told me not to worry. She told me that she just finished her last client and had to do some paperwork or report or something and that it just takes a while to do.
"If I need to leave then just tell me." "No, I'll get off in time." "If you can't, call me."
I was not happy. Now I had to worry about D7. My bud called me at about 10 after 6 asking about my plans for the night. I asked where he was and he told me he was near D7's school. I told him to drive slow and that I might need him to pick up D7 for me. I called the wife and she told me she was on her way and that she'll be there on time.
I was pissed. Don't freakin' offer unless she's sure she can do it. I was already stressed from the day I had. Stressed in a good way, but still stressed.
Now I need to call her and make plans to pick up the girls from her. I hope she doesn't try to finagle her way into spending the day with them or us. I'm thinking of taking them to the movies and then grilling some chicken for tonight.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Keep up the good sales! I am rooting for you. You sound like me right now, you have so much other stuff to focus on. Keep yourself busy and just worry about yourself and the kids. I know you want to save her but you can't. Only she can do that. She is probably in such a fog, she doesn't realize that she needs to be saved!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
That's EXACTLY the message you are sending. It's not a bad one because you don't want to be a jerk. But, you don't have to be a jerk to show her that if you aren't married that things will change.
Had a really good weekend. Just before leaving work on Saturday, I notice a missed call and VM from the wife. She WAS going to try to spend the day with the girls. She was saying something about picking up D11 from school then going and doing some things and then she would take them to me later.
I called her and asked her what she meant, because I was off of work now. She said that she was at Walmart and then they were going to another store and then she wanted to feed them and so on. I told her that I had intended to take them to the movies. She asked what time and I told her that I wasn't sure but soon.
"Well, let me get D11 something to eat and you can pick them up from the apartment."
After we hung up, K called me. We had opened accounts for each other at our banks and we needed to get some things signed. We decided to meet for lunch at a local bistro. I called the wife and told her that I had and errand to run also and that she had about an hour and a half. She told me she would just meet me at the theater to leave them with me.
Had lunch, met up to get the girls, went and saw "Hotel for Dogs" which they loved and also "Inkheart" which was over their heads. We went to Joes Crabshack afterwards for seafood, which we never used to be able to do since the wife hates it. Now, I try to take them whenever possible.
As we were walking in, walking out was David Robinson and his 4 boys. We got to tell him hello and he shook my hand. D11 was soooo excited. We had a great time.
On Sunday, church and football. Before I got the girls back to the wife, we had too many texts. My bad. Must have had too many beers.
On Monday, she calls me while I'm having lunch with Y. The school called and D7 was not feeling well and wanted us to pick her up. She couldn't get off, so I did. I kept her until about 7 and took her to the apartment. I ended up staying for dinner and a movie with them.
I just can't seem to turn down being with the kids. I just can't. I'm not doing it for her, I promise. I'm doing it for me.
Today is S14's Bday. S15 now. I called him this morning to with him happy Bday. The wife emailed me today to invite me to have wings at a wing place if I didn't have plans. I told her I would. She'll pick up the kids and I'll go grab an ice cream cake and a card from all of us.
I'm the worst DBer around.
As far as the "why doesn't she divorce me" question. HER response is no money. So she says. I don't really care anymore. I know I'll catch hell as usual. Don't give up on me, guys.
Hope everyone is doing well. I didn't get a chance to check on everyone.
I'm doing well. Sometimes lonely, but well.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
You know me...I think the more time you spend behind enemy(so to speak!!) lines the greater the chances of winning the war. May not be DBing but who cares!! You might just wear her down or at the least you are doing what the younger guys call "C" Blocking the OM...if you know what I mean!!
H, what are your goals with your W? Do you really want the R to just end or not?
I think one major advantage you have in your sitch is that your W cares about family and having your family together. I think if she was deprived of that some that might make her reconsider, but otherwise of course she won't. I think you should really try to do a lot of fun stuff with just you and the kids. Give her a taste of what D will be like. I mean if you still have hope. Karen
On the plus side, I was telling lwb this recently, she giving a bit more respect because she is not taking any calls anymore the last few times I've been around. In fact, a couple weeks ago while I was at the apartment having dinner, after several calls to her phone and I think some texts, she went to her bathroom. I noticed that she ended up taking her phone with her.
She may have called OM, but at least it was from the toilet.
So this week as well as last night, I know she has been getting texts while I'm around. She may give a quick glance, but then just puts the phone down.
Originally Posted By: karen
I mean if you still have hope.
karen, that's part of the problem at this point. I have 5% hope and the rest is hopeless. I really feel that my marriage is goners. My faith says that, in God, anything is possible. I don't feel like I cater to her like I used to. I still treat her with the unconditional love that I have for her and that is what gets me in trouble. Last Sundays sermon had something to do with that. I'm living my life for me and the kids. Thats it. My life is so entertwined with the wife's because we are both really good parents.
The kids and I have a blast when were together. Just so happens that we have a blast when were together in front of the wife, too. She gets the opportunity to watch but not join in. Too bad for her.
Last night, she also got a little reality check from D11. I'll post more about last night later. The kids and I had a blast together, as usual. All the wife could do was watch.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
