Thanks for the words of comfort. I am trying really hard to keep my head up and to do the right thing with DB but it is so hard isn't it? Like today, I kinda feel like I might have made a mistake but who knows anymore, I sent H a text that said I MISS U! It came about even though I was suppose to be doing NC today but I got an email from a co-worker and was speaking to her about my marriage situation. She has been married for several years and have great faith. Anyway her email was a list of three phrases that can enrich every relationship and one was "I miss you". And it goes on to say, "Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengtherend if couples simply and sincerely said to each other I miss you. This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired, and loved." So I texted my H and then I questioned myself maybe I should have, that's pursuing behavior, etc. H did text me back I miss u too. But still, you know. Ah, its all so confusing at times.
And yes, H has his hands full with OW. You know the other day I realized that sometimes we wish for karma to hit our WAS and it has hit mine and I didn't even realize it. H of course picked up someone who could feel his ego since I am the more successful one in our R. OW has no high school diploma, no job, previous child and his, no job, and NOW no where to live. When H left he was staying at his mother place but then when she had no place to live he rented a room for them. Imagine, from H and I having a 3 bedroom house and a rental bldg to him being in a room sharing with strangers. He hates it and although he says that he's there alone, I know that's a big fat lie b/c he is very clean and would not be living under such conditions. It's obvious to the whold family that OW will be the ruin of him if he doesn't stop but he needs to realize this I know. He basis all his actions on the fact that he's doing it for his son, which in a way I do know is true. He said he can't leave his son homeless, which I understand, but he also can't carry this OW weight and have a W too. So the bottom line is that H got way more than he bargained for and now I know he doesn't really know what to do and I really don't think OW will go get a job, but never know. Funny who said when he left was going to enjoy his freedom is now stuck and has no money b/c he decided to play the "knight in shining armor" for OW. But he is and will get sick and tired of it I know. With me he had a woman who was financially independent now he has a woman that other than her food stamps she depends on him for everything. Too funny isn't it. So in a way I need H to see what he's has been sacrificing our marriage for. Hopefully he will, but the future is so uncertain you just never know.
