SC, just wanted to stop by and let you know that I am thinking about you. I'd also like to add my 2 cents... you are NOT a failure. Right now, things are not as you would like them, but you are NOT in control, so how have you failed?
You have a great amount of stress on your plate right now, but you need to work at separating your M issues from your S's problems. He probably feels bad about you and H, but he still knows the diff between right and wrong and he has free will to make choices. Don't let him make you feel guilt because of the things he is doing. His choices are not your choices. Plenty of kids grow up with terrible home lives and they do not do drugs. On the other hand, lots of kids with perfect parents chose to go down the drug road.
I know what you were feeling when you reached for H's hand during your counseling session. I want to tell you that when my H was going thru his MLC (? PA, whatever you want to call it) he could not stand to have me touch him. He would react as if I had burned him! This is pretty standard behavior. You were looking for support, he reacted because of how he is feeling.
If you keep pursuing him, he is going to keep retreating.
I say this with all kindness, get out your DB book and re-read. Pretend that you have NOT been married to him for all those years. Pretend he is just a casual friend and treat him like you would if you had no history.
It is one of the hardest things to do, but the results may eventually surprise you.
Take care!
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
