You are going to get lengthy and intelligent replies to your post however that's just probably going to confuse you further.
You need to fully grieve the loss of your marriage - yes - but do you know that truly, that could take a lifetime? You might never fully be "over" it.
Are you supposed to not have friends, not get a life, not enjoy yourself?
To hell with that.
You have walked this walk and you did a damn good job of it. You don't have any reason to feel bad for wanting to live again.
Just be aware of the current state of your heart and mind.
And always keep your cards on the table with the new people you meet.
Take your time and just live.
And stop putting the cart before the horse with all the what if's.
Take life one day at a time and enjoy it for what it brings or you WILL need more meds. And no, you are not destined to be on them for life. You just need to calm down and know that you are a good person who fought a helluva good fight - and survived - and deserves to start living again without feeling guilty about it. You didn't quit, he did.
