NW, My boys are my priority right now - and I think every day about how to do my best in terms of raising them. Looking at my S11 I know that I can raise a good young man even from a separate home - and so I will do my best to offer the same to my S2.
Rob, Yes, my sitch had taken a surprising turn - and as my friendship with her grows I find myself realizing more and more just how much my attraction to her differs from my attraction to B. While I don't like to compare them, I can't help but have thoughts jump into my head sometimes - and the biggest difference is that there is nothing I would want to change about my new friend - there is no desire to fix or rescue or otherwise influence anything about her...quite the opposite, in fact, as I find myself listening to her in a way I just could not listen to B.
I know that it's important to move forward with caution and not dive in...and so I check myself every day...she, too, checks on me and never hesitates to ask me about my emotions and how I am dealing with all these changes in my life. She hears me cry sometimes, and she listens and she doesn't try to step in and heal me or stop me from feeling what I am going through - in other words, she has a very healthy attitude toward what I have to do to heal myself before moving forward as a complete, whole person.
I appreciate what you said about having to be careful, slow and guarded - and I understand your caveat about feelings for my wife that might be in seclusion (a perfect way to describe it). And here is how I see it - I do still have feelings for her, I love her, and I know that - the big difference is in my response to those feelings - since I now acknowledge them but also remember that I loved someone that was harmful to me and my son - and I cannot do that anymore. I had a breakthrough in terms of my relationships over the years - and finally came to see that, because I was abused as a child, I just continued to look for abusers to love and to be loved by - the problem with that effort is that looking to understand why they abuse me will never help me understand myself...since their abusive habits aren't about me...they're about them...and I have to detach myself from that definition of love (which I carry with me) and rewrite my definition of love - so that I can trust someone that loves me without harm and without anger...that's something completely new for me.
It still saddens me to see my marriage end. It breaks my heart to have my baby boy cries at night - not wanting to leave when his mother arrives to pick him up. And so I will continue to face the reality of my life and do everything within my power and ability to be a good father to my children - and continue to aspire to being a great man.
