BTW Lucky if you want to go back and see all of my threads there are links to them all in the first post of this thread. I usually leave off my signature because it is so long but the link to the start of this thread is in it.
Me49 W49 D17 M23 Sep01 Me PA 1 Jan02 filed D Mar02 ended A 1 reconcile Apr08 Me PA 2 May08 ended A 2 Aug09 A's revealed My latest thread Drive
Oh my, the shoe fantasy played out in real life, where to begin. Thank you DQ for preparing me for the resistance from her. I would have been caught off guard and no telling what would have happened. It could have easily ruined my mood if I had let it. It almost did a few times but then I reminded myself I'm going to have fun with this. I think I heard every imaginable reason, excuse and argument from her.
The her most common argument against this was and I heard different variations of this one many many times: "We don't need to be spending money on a pair of shoes for me, we should get you something."
I snapped back with a big smile on my face every time: "This IS a present for me."
She was clearly uncomfortable throughout and every so often I would tell her if she really didn't want to do this that she didn't have to. It's just a light hearted fun thing, let's have fun with this. After her shooting down many choices of mine (too high, straps hurt, too tight, too slutty, too loose) we finally settled on a pair that we both liked (well, I liked them and I think she could live with them) we headed home.
It was a battle of wills, it took sheer will power from me to not just throw in the towel on this shoe adventure. I think she was wondering why all of her normal tactics hadn't dissuaded me by now. HeHe... she didn't know it was the self assured "new me", I won't back down anymore.
By not worrying what her mood was, I really had fun. A few roller coaster moments where I could have lost it but I held on. Her mood BTW was not so great... Oh well her loss. I think it was her frustration that I would not give this one up.
When we got home we had about 90 minutes of "private time" together. The first 40-50 minutes was a nice sensual massage for her after she had modeled her new shoes for me. This was my favorite part of our afternoon together. I just love touching her and enjoyed doing this for her too.
By the time we ML she was completely relaxed and ready for me. We both had O's. I even had a second O before we were through. Yipee! I was the best lover I could possibly be for her and that made me feel good.
A tiny part of me still wanted for her mood to be better but overall I had a very nice birthday.
Woo hoo! Sexy hot shoes and sex, too....can't beat that on your birthday, eh?? (wink wink)
No seriously, GREAT JOB! I'm so glad you kept my advice in mind and just plowed through her trying to avoid your request. Of course we all understand that ideally, you would want her to ENJOY the shoes for herself and to actually participate in a way that shows that SHE wants it too...not just a birthday favor for you.
But...lets give it time...she might find that place within herself. She might not, but she still might. All hope is not lost just yet! The more you read and apply the NMMNG principals, the more she will respond to it.
Remember too that she is simply stuck in her ways. She hasn't had any real reason to change or move out of her comfort zone. NOW she might have a reason. The changes in YOU might provoke positive changes in her.
But even if they don't, your changes are for you anyway, and will benefit you for the rest of your life.
I do want to say this: please give your wife some extra praises for being a good sport about the shoes. Most men don't realize just how painfully horrible wearing these types of shoes can be. You have to be really determined to wear them in order to get used to the pain of wearing them. That is why she wears birks....she wants to be comfortable. Big ol' slutty 4" high heels are not only uncomfortable, they are actually like little torture devices! So my point is....if they felt comfy like birks, she might just wear them! You need to see this side of that particular equation in order to fully understand her. It may be that she wishes she could wear sexy shoes and she wouldn't mind looking sexy, but she just cannot bear the pain of them. So give her some extra thanks today, but not in a groveling way....in a self-assured way that really honors the gift she gave you by getting them and wearing them for you.
She might make noises about how she really didn't want to. Just ignore them and thank her again and drop it.
Another NMMNG tip....don't talk to her about how much you appreciated the sex. You can just assume she had great sex too and that you both received a great gift from each other. Thanking a woman for sex implies that she "gave" you sex. Lets stop giving that impression at all. From now on, you both gave your bodies to each other in an act of sex, and there is no need to "thank" her for it. You can comment on how great the sex was, but only if you give off an air of confidence. If you can't do that yet without sounding grateful for the sex, then just say nothing.
But darlin'....I really AM so happy for you about the shoes! I know you have been wanting that for a long time!
A tiny part of me still wanted for her mood to be better but overall I had a very nice birthday.
Let it go,,,, she did her best. {{{ and so did *you* }}}}} Just focus on the positive. I *********L-O-V-E********* to wear stilettos but they are a pain in the a**. They boost my ego though and hubbby loves them too. So I go thru the pain. She wore heels!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~!!!!~~~~~~!!!~~~~!!~! She did it for you!~!~
I think stilettos can be sexy and beautiful, but if I can't walk in them or wobble, it doesn't look so sexy. So, I can see why she had to try a few pairs on.
I hope she wears them again. Maybe next time you two go out on a date...
I think stilettos can be sexy and beautiful, but if I can't walk in them or wobble, it doesn't look so sexy. So, I can see why she had to try a few pairs on.
I hope she wears them again. Maybe next time you two go out on a date...
Oh my, the shoe fantasy played out in real life, where to begin. Thank you DQ for preparing me for the resistance from her. I would have been caught off guard and no telling what would have happened. It could have easily ruined my mood if I had let it. It almost did a few times but then I reminded myself I'm going to have fun with this. I think I heard every imaginable reason, excuse and argument from her.
The difference is OWNING your mood
Her most common argument against this was and I heard different variations of this one many many times: "We don't need to be spending money on a pair of shoes for me, we should get you something."
I snapped back with a big smile on my face every time: "This IS a present for me."
She was clearly uncomfortable throughout and every so often I would tell her if she really didn't want to do this that she didn't have to. It's just a light hearted fun thing, let's have fun with this. After her shooting down many choices of mine (too high, straps hurt, too tight, too slutty, too loose) we finally settled on a pair that we both liked (well, I liked them and I think she could live with them) we headed home.
Its a matter of judgement whether and how often to say this - I'm sure you can see why.
It was a battle of wills, it took sheer will power from me to not just throw in the towel on this shoe adventure. I think she was wondering why all of her normal tactics hadn't dissuaded me by now. HeHe... she didn't know it was the self assured "new me", I won't back down anymore.
By not worrying what her mood was, I really had fun. A few roller coaster moments where I could have lost it but I held on. Her mood BTW was not so great... Oh well her loss. I think it was her frustration that I would not give this one up.
This is what its all about - having a plan, and having the confidence and will to carry it off despite her "testing".
When we got home we had about 90 minutes of "private time" together. The first 40-50 minutes was a nice sensual massage for her after she had modeled her new shoes for me. This was my favorite part of our afternoon together. I just love touching her and enjoyed doing this for her too.
By the time we ML she was completely relaxed and ready for me. We both had O's. I even had a second O before we were through. Yipee! I was the best lover I could possibly be for her and that made me feel good.
A tiny part of me still wanted for her mood to be better but overall I had a very nice birthday.
I understand that nagging thought - but its emotional fusion i.e. I'm not happy unless you're happy (and of course the reverse is also true - as you know) - the new you and the new way is the way to go. It may not be what you fantasized about, but Cinco -its real and you're making it happen - that is what being a Man is all about, and that has an excitement all of its own.
You've seen how very different your life can be with just one day of owning yourself and your emotions. Keep at it, keep pushing, keep penetrating. She wants it.
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
- as you know) - the new you and the new way is the way to go. It may not be what you fantasized about, but Cinco -its real and you're making it happen - that is what being a Man is all about, and that has an excitement all of its own.