Experience whatever it is you are feeling but keep your perspective, T2.
You fought a good fight, standing firm for, by my best guess 3 years or so - and you not only survived it with grace but you managed to actually get excited about the prospect of living again.
That's something.
You have just entered another leg of the same journey you have already successfully manuevered your way through the majority of.
Don't start acting like this your first rodeo.
I know that this stage you've been avoiding, and are now staring down the barrel of, is very painful.