This sucks, but it needs to come out, it's extremely tough, but better to deal with now than much further down the road or never.
Now is the time to let yourself feel what you need to and not deny any of it. Its normal and healthy even though it sucks big time. You have a lot of people who are here for you.
I'm so glad your being honest with yourself. Yes, there are many easier paths to travel, but the destination is worth far less.
Many times growth comes with pain, I do see a very strong person in you. There will come a time for another person if you choose to have one.
Right now, I think your absolutely right in regards to finding yourself again.
It all takes time. Be patient with yourself. You will get through this and come out of it better. I promise.
Experience whatever it is you are feeling but keep your perspective, T2.
You fought a good fight, standing firm for, by my best guess 3 years or so - and you not only survived it with grace but you managed to actually get excited about the prospect of living again.
That's something.
You have just entered another leg of the same journey you have already successfully manuevered your way through the majority of.
Don't start acting like this your first rodeo.
I know that this stage you've been avoiding, and are now staring down the barrel of, is very painful.
Now, I understand if you are not ready to get out there. But before you do something rash, think first about why you are doing it.
Is it because you are afraid to get hurt again?
Or is it because you have not finished grieving?
Just breath. This too shall pass. If you are not ready, you are not ready.
But if it is fear, you need to examine that, feel it, and get it out of your system, because you cannot live your entire life in fear of what might happen.
(((((((T2))))))))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
For not being a strong enough person. For letting my mind take over.
I was at a point in my life where I thought I had it all. I was happy. I thought I was on top of the world. I am off my meds which makes me feel good but now I wonder if it is a good thing. Maybe they were my lifeline. Maybe I'm destined to be on drugs the rest of my life. Who knows.
I had a guy I was seeing which made me happy but lately, I have realized I wasn't happy, I was just content. I didn't have to spend my evenings alone when the kids were at their dad's place. He would come over, we would watch tv and it was nice. Last Wednesday he didn't come over and I stayed home alone. I loved it. Besides, talk about baggage...he carries more than me and right now I don't need that. I need someone stable. Two people going through a rough time only leads to disaster. Before there could be something between him and I we both need to get our lives on the right path first. I don't see that happening.
If I ask myself do I see a future with him...NO. I see a friend with benefits and right now I don't need that because it adds to the stress. Why put more on my plate....it is full enough. He and I have discussed just hanging out and not getting serious because neither of us is looking for a relationship right now. What happens if I decide I want more and he doesn't? I'm right back where I am now. I might as well end this before it gets that far.
Besides, my mother told me when I started seeing this guy it was because my stbx had someone and I didn't. Maybe that is the truth. Maybe I was trying to make him jealous. Who knows? I sure as hell don't know anymore. Why do I want to make him jealous? I don't want him back...or do I?
I'm tired. I don't sleep more than 3 - 4 hours a night. I want to sleep but can't. I have tried taking things to help me sleep but they don't work. They make me jittery. I have lost my appetite (which could be a good thing).
