WAW - yet another one

[confusedinpa]

I had a good session with my therapist yesterday. She reminded me that I was a survivor - I had a lot of pain/loss in my life at various levels. This is the most severe.

I'm still at a loss of what to do but I must accept that I may try my best, it still may not save the marriage. I can't change the past, but I can work on myself for the future, what ever that lies.

My greatest struggle now, is that she seems to have given up/be blocked in finding a reason to try. She says logically it's a no brainer, but the emotions are not letting her (all the positive feelings she had was dashed/crushed last year). She isn't sure if she wants to plant a new seed to let love grow for someone who hurt her so badly. Ironically, aside from the divorce papers, she isn't acting mad/hurt.

That's been the problem in our relationship. In the past, she may have dropped some signs, but my shutting down of my emotions due to stress had prevented me from seeing it. Now, my eyes are wide open and at times I see the negative signs (no pucker for a kiss or a check instead of lips, no active hand holding, etc) but then after that I see supporting/hopefull signs (puckers/leans in for a kiss, lingering hugs, etc.) We had talked about that, but she said perhaps I was seeing things that weren't there. I know I didn't imagine her leaning in and puckering for a kiss (she doesn't initiate, I usually do - I know, bad move), nor accepting an invitation to sit of my lap and hug. Perhaps it was her way of experimenting to see if she had any feeling left. Or she's luring me into just accepting her demands in a divorce. Or there is really hope. No ideas.

What are your thoughts that I bring up the fact that she may be emotionally blocking seeing any possiblities as she hasn't really addressed the hurt/anger? I was debating whether to do it during counseling or just bring it up when she asks if there was anything I wanted to talk about. she does that occassionally as we are going to bed after we had spent an evening watching a TV show or movie after the kids went to bed. Unfortunately, she's usually so tired, it only happens for a few minutes before she starts to drift asleep. Usually I'm hugging her (she doesn't hug back, but she may have her hand on top of mine) - we used to spoon - her back to me, but lately she lays on her back I am on my side. She used to spoon me when I was "shut off" - which is the killer part - and I wouldn't respond.

So do you think I should bring it up one on one or wait till the counseling session?