You all are absolutely right. I am not ready to move forward.

I took time off from work yesterday to have some "me time" and it started out nice but ended up crappy.

I got home and took a bubble bath to relax (thanks to my friend an IM'ing me it was a very nice bath ;\) ) LOL!!!

I went to Chilis with a girlfriend of mine last night and we had a drink (YES, I stopped at one) I wish I drank myself under the table.

We spent about an hour together because she needed to get home to her 16 year old who is nothing more than a mamas boy. She never leaves him more than an hour.

Anyway, after that I met up with the guy I have been seeing for about 4 months now and we went to the movies. We went to see Gran Torino. Was it a good movie? I don't know because the whole time I was sitting there I was thinking. (And I forgot to turn my email alerts off on my phone so my phone vibrated through the whole movie as all of you were emailing each other. I so wanted to be involved with that instead of sitting at the movies.)

I tried really hard to have a good time but I couldn't. My heart was not in it. I kept thinking about what Jimbo said about having a band-aid. This guy is a band-aid. I don't want to hurt someone else by using them to fill a void I have. Now I don't know how to tell him I don't think I can see him anymore.

I am not ready to be dating or anything else. I am not over my stbx. I still have grieving for my marriage to get through. I want to be but I'm not. I may never be.

Jimbo, today may be the day I cry until I have no more tears.

My heart is breaking today and I think it is beyond repair. My mind is so messed up I don't know which way is up. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of everything...........