Maybe I should be in piecing part 6?

[Hope4us]

H4U,
Hey! Well, it sounds like are ahead of the game for the most part!

I don't know what it is about some of us women. We really don't take compliments well. Maybe instead of saying "You're so smart. Thanks for the tip." you could say "Thanks for reminding me" and leave the smart part out. Of course you think she's smart. Otherwise you probably wouldn't have married her. It would sound weird for H to tell me I'm smart. He might tell me "I didn't think about that" or "Thanks for reminding me" but "you're so smart. thanks for the tip."? Never in a million years and I would think it was weird if he did. Maybe just me. And I am certainly not criticizing...I am just saying, to a woman, I think it sounds weird...maybe it's one of those things that men want to hear so they automatically think women want to hear it too??

Dunno.

Good luck!

Melissa

Thanks Mel. I understand what you're saying. This is something that has been an issue for a long time in our marriage. My W is very smart, but for whatever reason, she constantly cuts herself down when it comes to that. She's always making comments about not being smart. When I first found out about her affair, she told me that one of the things that she found attractive in OM was that he made her feel "confident". So in this long process, I've been trying to show her just how smart I KNOW she is. Maybe I over did it with how I said it.

I hope this doesn't sound conceited, but I think my W has always struggled in our marriage because she perceives me as being smarter than her. And I think it bothers her more than she lets on. One of the changes I've made is to not argue with her about things when we're talking. My family loves a good debate. It's how I grew up and I love it. My boys are the same way. But W feels that if there is a debate, I'm attacking her and questioning her intelligence. And I'm sure OM did make her feel confident because he's a frickin dumba**. So I'm sure there was a huge attraction there for her because with him, in her mind, she felt like his equal, even though she's a VERY SMART person. A ton smarter than OM. In my sitch, the addage that waywards affair down is so right on it isn't even funny.

I've been following along on your sitch but I've resisted posting because I'm not sure you'd like the 2x4's I'd give. If you want a betrayed guys opinion of your sitch, let me know and I'll be happy to post to you. It might not be a nice post, but I think I could express what your H is probably going through and why he's being the way he is.

Thanks for the comment.