\My wife is going to leave me in 5 days--help!

[AFWAW]

Thanks for your response. I've sitting in Amsterdam for seems like forever waiting for my plane. I'm kinda of dazed right now so I will give as much info as I can.
We are both active duty military. She moved to a new unit about a year ago and has made new friends and from what I can tell some pretty good ones. I asked her if they supported her decision and she said not they did not. I have done all the wrong things so far but am going to try and do my best when I get home not to panic, cry, beg, etc. I do not know why that works but is sucks cause it's exactly what I want to do as I've been gone for almost a year and until 3 days ago looking so forward to a happy reunion. I have read on this site where you can't believe everything you hear but it is hard when you only get to see your spouse(we've been chatting on yahoo im/webcam nearly everyday while I was in Iraq) for about 30 minutes a day and you can't really talk about your day. Really confusing to me is that she has been giving me "shows" on the webcam everyday--even the last day I was there and has been planning this the whole time.

Our relationship has had its ups and downs just like any other I guess. She has threatened divorce 5-6 times over the time we have been married and I don't know why she never did it but was thankful. During our seventh year of marraige she went to a military shrink and he told her she was depressed and gave her anti-depressents. They helped a lot--i actually told her I thought those pills saved our marraige--wow, in retrospect there is a lot of things I should not have said--sounds like I am an insensitive jerk. We still had the normal problems up until this point fights, etc. When this deployment came around last year I had already spent 3 months away from home at a school and I had enough and wanted to retire. Found out is was difficult to get a decent job in that area so instead reenlisted and came to Iraq which took me out of the picture for almost a year. In late oct early nov last year, she said she wanted out. I lost it being that I was in Iraq. Sent a hundred emails, called, begged, pleaded, etc. She recanted asked for forgiveness. I said we would work on this when I got home. Everything seemed ok for about a month and then started getting the vibe again, started asking questions and not liking what I was hearing and here I am with her already having an apartment picked out and ready to move out in 5 days after I return from Iraq. Welcome home. I plan to get counseling for us when I return--she has agreed to that and I also plan to get individual counseling for me and my daughter.

I know I have not given her the attention and affection she needs either. That hurts to say as I really do love her and want this to work.

I have asked her over and over again to explain to me why she is doing this and each time I get a little bit different response--she wants to be alone--overwhelmed from all the slack she had to pick up while I've been gone--that makes sense to me but I told her she didn't have to leave to have that as I would take the load when I got home. Another reason is she feels she trapped me into marrying her. We lived together for 6 months and she started feeling immoral about the whole thing--I of course did not want to lose her and she agreed.

It was like a rollercoaster ride for our 1st 7 years. Lots of fights on how to raise my stepson--he was 4 when we met. She felt I was cruel to him? I've made a few mistakes but have always loved him. Had my daughter during the 2nd year of our marriage. I was young and stupid and had said I didn't want anymore kids and maybe we should look into getting an abortion when my wife first found out she was pregnant(she still brings this up to me this day--she brings up a lot of stuff--can't seem to forgive me--maybe a way to justify leaving?--dont know. One of the stupidist, meanest, coldest things I've ever said and I will regret it to the day I die. I love my daughter very much and gave too much attention which my wife has been very quick to point out. She has said that I give my daughter more attention than I gave my son, treated her better, etc--maybe she has a point but I felt I was treating them as individuals. My wife also said it seems like I gave my daughter more attention than I gave her--wow. I suppose at times that is true. She said that if my daughter had not have been born our relationship would have ended years ago. Seems to me like she is trying to justify ending our marraige.

Whew--thats a big emotional blog for me. I am trying to get it together. Still have a couple of hours before I have to get on my flight. Trying to relax but hard. Met a guy during outprocessing in Kuwait and we hung out for a while and he told some similar stuff that this site has. Told me to relax and act like it doesn't bother me--actually made me laugh--first time in a few days. Thanked him and wished him well.

Question for everyone. I don't know what my wife is thinking--some people have suggested that I put a keylogger on her computer--I really want to know what she is thinking but I am afraid to really know I think--hurts not knowing what is going through her mind. Seems like it is different everytime she talks.

This is gonna be a tough year. I was expecting to have sex with my wife when I got home. I suppose that is out the window too. I am going to try and remain cool but will probably have to goto the bathroom a lot to not let her see me breaking down. Got a friend in Iraq that is supporting me too. He went through a similar situation but his wife never actually moved out, just threatened it.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Wish me luck everyone. I'll find out what's what in about 16 hours. Thanks for any input you can give to my sitch.

John