Hi Lan, I am glad your mum feels better (mom or mum? you guys get me confused). I am sad about your D. It's amazing that in year 2009 people still fail to teach their kids to accept differences to people. Because it's definitely something learnt at home. And kids unfortunately, as my mom keeps telling me (she was a teacher for 40 years), can be the meanest and cruelest judges without even knowing it...
W front sounds like you manage to keep yourself in balance and I think the sitch is improving as time goes by. I am very impressed by the way you are handling it. xxx K
D7 is learning very fast that the wideworld is a tough place even for a seven year old, she is a really sensitive sole but I think shes gonna grow up pretty quickly.
On the home front I'm keeping my mind active with little projects and this stops me obesssing about various things, I would love to get my "leg over" every night but I know it ain't gonna happen so I'm keeping myself busy and out of W's way. I'm not doing things to please her but she seems happy with the way things are going.
I'm looking forward to the weekend and tackling that house alarm.
No drama to report it almost seems like I'm living a normal life again.
Mum out of hospital and recovering well at home, it seems one week of bed rest and constant medical attention has done her the world of good.
We've managed to sort out the 2 situations which were affecting D7 so she's happy and bubbly again.
W has had some up and down moods and snapped at me a couple of times. The latest was because she was upset by the death of a family friend. He had termainal cancer and she had planned to visit him on the day he passed but she missed him. I just seemed to be the one that copped for her anger and grief. But in saying that we are both getting on well, we even ML last week.
The house alarm has slipped down on the list of priorities, W wants me to put up some curtains and blinds instead. Yes a woman is entitled to change her mind.
I've started back in the gym but I've got to rest for a while as a little medical condition has flared up ( "Rockford files" are giving me some grief).
Other than that I'm everyday reading but not always posting.
Hi Lan, so glad to hear things at home are feeling more normal these days and that your mom, wife and daughter are well and happy. Sure hope you get better soon, too.
My H & I are getting along real good. We don't have the drama you two "kids" do, but maybe that's good, huh? Just kidding. We don't get out and do much anymore and that is mainly b/c of my health. I don't have much life except to try to make it to work--so I can hold on to my job and keep my insurance. I am laid up almost every weekend with my Fibromyalgia, but today (Saturday) I am doing a little better, so maybe I will even make it to Church tomorrow. However, I will be babysitting this afternoon and part of the evening so our son and DIL can celebrate Valentine's Day. They deserve it! But, the baby has been really sick and not use to being away from them, so I may be laid up in bed tomorrow! (LOL) I feel sorry for my H b/c I don't feel like cooking or keeping house or having a social life, but he is good to me and patient. I have been blessed.
You know I want the best for all of you and wish you the happiest of all new years. Hopefully, you and wife have won the war, but little battles may still break out from time to time, so try not to let it get you down. You have learned a lot how to handle all of that and you are teaching a lot of other people......and that makes me very proud of you. If I sound like your mama, that is okay by me....
Get to feeling better real soon and you all have a really, really happy new year!
Love, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
you and wife have won the war, but little battles may still break out from time to time, so try not to let it get you down.
So true Sandi, W has not really been speaking to me since Thursday she let somthing trivial upset her and since then she been going out of her way to escolate things. I won't go into too much detail of the argument but she did tell me to "F**k off" which was totally uncalled for. I suspect outside influences but I'm not going to bother following up on that. So not much of a V day for us.
Mum doing fine, shes back at home and at the age of 79 I bought her her first cell phone so we can keep in better contact. shes having fun with the new technology.
I've fixed our house alarm which is a good thing as there has been a recent spate of breakins in the area, so were feeling a bit more secure now.
I've also ticked off a couple more things on my to do list for 2009, I even contacted an old classmate I last saw 30 years ago so I'm keeping busy on that front.
So life is normal but still full of ups and downs (a bit of a down at the moment).
I always used to think that I contributed a lot to the arguments between W and I, and she even used to say that whenever things were going well between us it was me who alway used to spoil things by upsetting her. But now as I take a back seat in these things and observe W's behaviour I can see that she really goes out of her way to either cause an argument or sustain one. I mean on this occasion when W told me to f**k off it was because I asked her directly why she was deliberately causing an argument when there wasn't one there. Also I now know when W is losing an argument or doesn't have a valid point she resorts to cursing as a way to deflect away from the pointless situation.
You say that I am big on patient and self control, well the truth of the matter is now having got this far if I was offered an unconditional out, I'd probably take it. But, a lot of people here on this board would give a lot to be in position I am so I have to continue along the lines of giving it my best shot.
I can see over the last couple of years that I have changed a lot but W hasn't , and I doubt she ever will and that is a big obsticle for our situation . So as we muddle through at the moment who knows what our long term future will be. ( I mean at some stage my patience may run out).
Lan, The very same people who use abusive language like f**k off to their spouses will most likely also accuse their spouses of being abusive because their demands and expectations are not being met. I see this all the time on here. I didn't know how to assert myself when I was in this situation and I know I didn't have your patience for it at the time, I felt wronged and hurt and reacted defensively to this nonsense.
Getting an "out" Lan would come at a huge emotional and financial price. It will not be unconditional. Though I've seen a lot of people here take this cavalier attitude to divorce and separation when their spouse does not meet their needs at the moment. The commitment is lacking. Lan you do not lack that and that is why you are rising above the 'sitch'.
