Well, hello everyone. My last thread locked ( Refuse To Lose, Part XI )and I've been swamped, so I haven't had a chance to start up a new one until now. So, here it is and here's what is going on w/me.
Ok, well, the trip to DC was amazing! Regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, it was an incredible experience to be there and witness history. Now we have to see whether or not the tone of our national politics will indeed change so we can actually get some things done in Washington.
So, I came back from the week in DC - although it was great, it was stressful trying to make sure 27 Seniors didn't get lost in the throngs that decended on the Nation's capital that week - and then I instantly began packing up the house and moving.
I've been able to get it all done - moved 1800 sq. ft. of house + a 2 car garage into a 1000 sq. ft. apartment - so now it is just me and my boxes. The house is done and sold and we only lost $144.16 on the sale, so all things concidered, things worked out well w/ the sale.
The down side is I managed to wear myself out and pick up a nasty cold that forced me to miss school one day last week. I should have stayed in bed all day when I called in sick, but I didn't. No, I got up and packed stuff and moved it. Anyway, I'm much better now and looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday.
As far as my sitch is concerned, XW and I had a fight the weekend I returned b/c I couldn't spend enough time w/D as I was frantically trying to move from the house to the apartment. Anyway, I did allow her to bait me in and we argued a bit before I "wised" up and told her I understand she didn't like me and that she wasn't going to be pleased w/anything I chose to do and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I then let her know I hope our relationship could be different and in time maybe it would be. I finished by wishing her a good night and a good week at work.
It worked as the "ice queen" thawed a bit and even - I hope you are sitting - APOLOGIZED for some of the sh!tty comments she made to me on Sunday. I thanked her for apologizing and accepted her apology, told her I found her words to be hurtful and left it at that. Since then, she's been incredibly nice and supportive of everything - even telling me I needed rest and to stop working on the apartment b/c she was worried about my health.
I know, I know. It is what it is and I'm not getting too excited about it, but it would be wonderful if we could eventually have a working relationship b/c that would be what is the best for our D. In fact, I'm sure that once I get the pension stuff started, she'll be angry again and quickly if the outcome is in my favor. So, I'm bracing for that, but for now, I'll enjoy the communication that doesn't have so much venom.
To that end, I still find myself attracted to her and I'm pretty sure it is b/c I'm looking at the person I knew, not the person she's become. It is unrealistic for me to "wish" for her to change and see the damage she's done b/c that is out of my control. XW can only change if she chooses to do so.
The current feelings are there b/c of my sadness over the destruction of our family and seeing how much D hurts. I know XW is toxic for me to be around, so my thoughts when we are together are irrational. I ache for my D and only wish I could have had the power to "save" my former M. For the sake of my precious baby, I'll always be sad that she is the innocent victim in this situation.
My baby deserves a healthy and whole family, but I know I won't be able to provide that for her. However, what I can and will provide is stability and love regardless of what happens to my relationship status. I can guarantee only that I can and will be there for her whenever she needs me.
That is the least I can do out of this situation for my little girl.
