I spoke too soon. It's all starting to get to me. This was one h*ll of a day. My employer is going through some serious "workforce reductions" -- lots of people are being let go. It touched our division today and it unnerved quite a number of us to see several people, some with a lot of seniority, let go. Several middle and lower level managers as well as rank-n-file employees. My department appears safe -- for now. Another round of layoffs could still be headed our way. Not good, not good. I feel so bad for all these people. And it may not be over yet.
Yes, a bad day indeed.
On top of that I am also feeling a great deal of anxiety from W as well. We had another argument last night. She grilled me about the list of items from our residence (now sold) that my L was wanting to make sure was covered. W got very ugly and snippy with me. The hypocrisy was enough to drive anyone mad, but her condescending attitude and her presumptuous sense of entitlement was sickening. And she now insists that she will not be "giving" to me any share in the custody of our S's. I realize that she really doesn't have any grounds to support her desire to rub me out of our S's lives, but nevertheless I did not sleep well because of her words and behaviors.
Today, despite having some time to reflect on this, I am still so distraught and anxious. I am so upset with W and how she is behaving towards me, with such venom and such deep-seated contempt, that I can't bear to see or hear from her anymore. I won't go into details just yet about some of the many things said between us, but have about reached the limits of my patience. I am now at the point where I am actually welcoming her divorce and am in fact very impatient to just get this over with, so I can carry on with my healing and grow into the person God wants me to be.
Forgive me, Lord, for now I also want to lay my vows to one side. W has become too vitriolic, toxic and vindictive -- exactly like her mother. I don't want her, not this nasty, mean-spirited and selfish person, no longer. I can't help this M if she won't try and even works to undermine it. Her threats to take the kids away are too much.
