Hello everyone, I have not been on the boards in about 6 months. I was active on here this time last year up until the summer. I have a dilema on my hands that I need help with.
To start, my W and I seperated in November 2007, our story is like many others here, she built up anger toward me during our 14 years of marriage and one day she had enough, we seperated and I fought like crazy to save the marriage up until time of mediation and then I gave up. We have two beautiful boys, 11 and 7. I moved back to my hometown which is about an hour from wife and kids. I completely cut off communication with her except when it involved the boys but that was not that often. I moved on with my life and got involved in another relationship. That has been 4 months now, W and I were divorced last month as I filed the day after Christmas.
During our seperation, W had so much hate and resentment toward me that she would not listen to my pleading. Her walls were high and there was no breaking them down, I tried my best and finally gave up and moved along.
I got involved in church and found the lord. I prayed that someday she would do the same.
About two weeks ago she called me crying on the phone for she was having trouble with the bank and refinancing the house. This was the first time any emotion was shown in over a year. She recently started going to church about 3 weeks ago. I get another call on Sunday this past week talking about my son and baseball for the upcoming year. She proceeds to tell me that in church the day before the sermon was about people who give up on relationships, about how in today's society it is so easy to go and file for a divorce instead of fighting for what is right. "This same sermon was preached to us at my church the week before." She states that during this sermon, she was moved to go and buy the movie "Fireproof" and she wanted me to watch it. States it was our lives reincarnated. A friend of mine had asked her when this movie was in theaters if she would go and watch it before she proceeded down the path of D, she refused at the time but felt moved on Saturday to go and buy it. She talked to me about the movie, at the end of the conversation, I made the statement to her that it doesn't seem that the movie would have an affect on her like my friend thought it would, her reply was, "you don't know what effect it had on me."
This brings us to today, I watched the movie myself, it is very good by the way and I recommend it to anyone dealing with D. I felt I needed to call her and go see her today. I drove to her house and we talked for some time. It was an emotional conversation. She explained how I had hurt her and she had so much resentment toward me in the past year going through the D and she was determined she was not going to bring her walls down to ever be hurt again. She proceeded to say that in the past 2 months that her life has been living he!! and by this time she thought things would be easier but in fact they were getting harder. She states she now realizes that the two of us were at fault in the marriage and I was not the only one to blame. To make a long story short, she tells me she doesn't know where this will lead that only God had the answers and she couldn't tell me what I needed to hear.
This is the first time in 14 months that she has shown any emotion to our seperation and D.
I am in a relationship now with someone else who I do care for and I am between a rock and a hard place. There is nothing more in life that I would want more than to save my family but at the same time W still doesn't know what she is wanting. I obviously do not want to continue in the relationship I am in now if I have a chance of salvaging my family and at the same time, I hate to lose someone I have grown close to if this doesn't play out.
Does this story sound familiar with anyone else on the boards, what did you do, how did it play out? I am very confused right now and needing some direction. I will be praying about it. I am looking for any feedback you may have. What should be my next step? I am lost on what I should do at this point.
Feel free to ask any questions as I know this is very basic on what is happening right now and to keep the topic short, I left out a lot of things to keep from boring anyone.
BTW, W is not in a relationship nor has she been in one during this whole process.
