Well we had a good talk and I think or hope things are going to get better. I finally told her I have a DB coach and what we've talked about. My W now feels like she needs to speak with my DB coach so she can get help and guidance so we can work on our M. I figured out today that If my W would've stopped associating herself with OM W all together months ago we would be in a lot better place. The fact that OM W calls or wants to visit is a harsh reminder of the hurt I felt months ago. The old theory. Out of sight out of mind. Time heals all wounds.
Well I would like to thank everyone for all of their advice. My W is now going to have her own DB coach so we can work on our marriage. I'm hoping it all works out for the best. I'm getting tired of all the drama. Would like a normal life again.
Hi Jon, thanks for the updates. I was getting concerned when we had not heard from you.
The OM's W does not sound like a healthy moral minded person for anyone to be around if she thinks that dirty TM's were okay. Makes me wonder if she would go in for spouse swapping or threesomes or some other perverted sexual activity. It is hard for me to imagaine that any wife would find if okay for "any" woman to talk to her husband in a dirty sexual way....much less her own friend! So, she is either the way I just described or else she has been put under the control of her H and is afraid to say anything differently. Unless you know of him being abusive......and he could be and nobody would have to know....then my first thoughts would be that she does not hold very high standards for her and her husband's MR.
I am so proud of your wife deciding to talk to a DB coach! They are the best from what I've heard. At least you know you will be getting guidance from somebody that will work to help you bust a divorce instead of telling you to split up and go find something else to make yourselves happy!
I hope your wife will find strength to completely cut the OM and his wife out of her life b/c until she does, she is at risk. I know you cannot control your W's actions, but after she has had some help from the DB coach and some time to get through this and you two are able to talk about it, then I hope you can help her (if she's still having issues about not continuing the friendship) to see how unhealthy it would be for your M. There are a lot of people out there to make friends with, but only the two of you in a M. And, for what it's worth, I just don't know that I would invite OM's W into my home if she showed up. That is just my opinion and how strongly that I feel she is really toxin to the MR.
Take care and please stay in touch.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm in the middle of us moving into a new home so It'll be a while before I have some time to tell everyone what's going on. So far things are getting better and I'll let you know about OM W and everything thats gone on. I soon as I have a time. Thanks again for listening.
We'll everything looks as though it's going my way. My W has come around and things are going great. I'm looking forward to the future. I'll give better update soon.
I just wanted to give everyone an update. Well I think my W is done with talking with OM W. I think she realizes that to keep our M on the right track is to stop her friendship with OM W. I had a session with my DB coach this week and a week after my W had a session with my DB coach. My coach thinks that all that was between the OM and her was what my W said. Just dirty texting and when he tried to pursue more she cut it off with him. And that my W is real ashamed that it all happened. Things between my W and I are going real good. I still get upset about the whole thing but am doing much much better. So for now I'm going to sit back and work on my W and what we had lost to have put me in this situation. Also my W has fogiven me on the name calling I did a few weeks back. I hope from here there is nothing but moving up and making our M stronger and better than it was. I hope anyone who has dealt with the same thing as I have can get to a better place and everything works out for you. Thank you all for all your input. You've been a big help. I don't know where I would be today if I didn't have this forum to tell my story. Good luck...........
In case anyone has been wondering about my Situation. So far everything has improved so.......much. My wife has become the wife I had before and more. I guess I'll never really know if she actually had a PA. But the thought always crosses my mind daily. I'm getting better at forgiveness but what am I'm being forgiving about. I can live with an EA. Even though my W says it wasn't even an EA and just dirty texting. She no longer talks with OM W and OM W I think has gotten the picture that my W is done with her as well. I think my W realized that the only way to make our M good again, that she could no longer have contact with OM W since it brings me back to all the hurt. I told my DB coach that the only way I would leave my W over this is if she continued a friendship with OM W. I needed something to stand on. I told myself a long time ago that if I was ever cheated on I would walk and I could do that now if need be. The one thing that made me stick around were our children. And through this I've come to work on my M. But for any reason I feel like something like this happens again. To leave will be easy. It's funny how your thinking changes on certain matters when they happen to you. I heard a saying the other day from a reality show star and it was "God will not give you more than you can handle." So if I'm having a bad day and start obsessing over everything I remind myself of that saying. I'm sure someday I'll be over this, but my W has broken a trust that will take a while to build up. Ever since she spoke with my DB coach and I told her I had a DB coach she has been even more supportive of me and the improvements I've showed from things that I was doing that hurt her. When it's all said and done. I hope and pray our M is better than before it got bad. Just wanted to vent a little.........."The Power of Love is a curious thing. Make a grown man weep and another man sing." Huey Lewis and the News.
