I received your e-mail the other day and I'm able to get on and post to you finally!
Well, your sitch has taken an interesting turn, my man. It is good for you to see the end of the relationship and move forward w/out bitterness and blame. It is sad, however. I can relate to that.
I am filled w/sadness whenever I see my XW and even communicate with her. It makes me ache that she has chosen to break up our family and I still see the good in her. I tend to look at her and wish she'd snap out of it and see her damage, but I know she won't. My D is hurting over this, so it hurts me as well. Hopefully, my sitch, as yours will lead us both to be able to have relationships w/our X that will provide a stable (or as stable as possible) relationship for our children.
So, I guess you can say that I understand your sadness and I feel it too. Like we've said before, our situations are eerily similar as we've married women w/similar issues, challenges, and ability to deny. We are kindred spirits, my friend.
Finally, congratulations on the new lady friend. I smiled and said "way to go, Carlos" out loud when I read your e-mail. I'm pleased for you and I think it is good.
It hit you out of the blue, which is when the good ones always do, right? They come when you aren't looking. Anyway, enjoy it, but move slowly. As Kalni said, just make sure you are interested w/her for the right reasons. Be careful not to fool yourself into believing your feelings for W are "dead" b/c they may just be in seclusion.
The good news is you will be wiser and stronger in this and any new relationship you have going forward. You are a much different man, Carlos. You are confident and secure of yourself and your place right now. That is not the case of when I first came upon your sitch. Look back and give yourself a pat on the back for what you've accomplished...then keep marching forward.
Always forward. Never backward.
I guess the bad news is you have to be careful, slow, and guarded w/this new lady. It is good you two are talking about your sitch, so she understands where you are coming from. It would be nice to dive in, but that wouldn't be prudent at this juncture.
I am very pleased to read that your attraction to her is much, much different than the attraction you felt for W. That is a relief to me b/c if I've learned anything (which I've probably learned too much it seems), I know in my situation, if it feels good, feels right, and feels familiar right away, I have to sound the bells b/c I may be walking down old, life-established patterns of getting myself into bad relationships in order to "take care of someone" or "fix broken people I can see the good in."
I hope this one feels good, but not in a familiar way, if you know what I mean.
