TRUSTINGS NEW BEGINNINGS

[ACJ]

T when all this crap first started in my sitch I went to MC, like many of us here. The counsellor told me it wasn't any 'accident' that H has gone into MLC just as my son was entering adolesence. So i think if anything it's our Hs who copy our children.

I do agree that there is some element to the exacerbation of behaviour by our 'true' teens when they are in this sitch. For my elder daughter it was very much a case of SHE felt like OW was replacing HER b/c she and H had such a close R prior to his MLC taking hold. In her case she had been rebellious since conception and after a shaky start this sitch made her grow up far faster than she might otherwise have done. Partly b/c i was such a mess that she felt she had to take care of me and partly b/c she felt abandoned by her dad and felt she had to become an island so that no-one would ever hurt her in that way again.

My youngest D is now nearly 14. When H left she was 10. A few months after leaving he told her he had wanted to leave for 10 years! To this day she still feels like she was partly responsible for his departure She plays up to try and play us off against each other. Until early 2008 it worked but as he hasn't spoken to me since last April until this week (see my thread for why) and so that no longer works.

IMO I think these kids will suffer for the rest of their lives for what thier missing parent has done. It will get easier until they want to get M themselves and then there will be the awkwardness of the wedding and who sits where. When they have kids of thier own will they want the 'non-grandparent' joining in on the inimate first visits to a new born?

It's the kids who bear the brunt of this whichever way you look at it. No wonder they feel they have to draw attention to themselves.