Maybe I should be in piecing part 6?

[Hope4us]

Hey guys. Haven't posted in quite a while. Been VERY busy with work and purposefully staying away from DB as it helps me focus more on work and frankly, I just needed a break from the boards.

What's happened in the last 2.5 weeks? I've thought a lot about my sitch and what I want and what I need from W and how I'm going to proceed (my plan if you will).

I've done as you all have suggested. Started calling W when she cops an attitude with me. Happened 3 times in the last 3 weeks. EVERYTIME her attitude with me has changed, a couple of times within MINUTES.

Our new bed gets delivered next Tuesday. W is talking about it a lot, changing the bed room around etc.

W has been working A LOT. Close to 60 hour weeks. I've been picking up the slack around the house. Making dinners so they're ready when she gets home. Doing laundry and cleaning up the house.

W is really looking forward to a couple things. A week from Saturday we're going to see Lord of the Dance in Cleveland. I asked W if she wanted to get a hotel and spend the night and she said YES! This was one of the things I called her on. We've seen the different Irish Dance shows 4-5 times in the past and have really enjoyed them. I saw LOTD was performing on the 14th so I got some tickets. I surprised W with them and all she said was "I saw on t.v. they were playing". That's it. The next day I told her (don't remember the exact words) that I thought it was crap that she couldn't even say thanks or that sounds like fun or anything like that. Within minutes she was smiling and laughing and really engaging me. And since she's been mentioning the show on a regular basis, so I know she's excited.

In a couple weeks, one of the guys who works for me is getting married. We're going to the wedding and spending the night as it's out of town. A few nights ago W started asking me who was going to be there and did she need to dress up or was business casual ok and I told her it was casual. She was excited because this gives her a chance to go buy a new top to go with the only dress slacks that she has that fit (hasn't needed casual clothes since she lost all the weight). She's also been in contact with our friend D who lives near where the wedding is. We're going to go spend part of the evening with D and her H either before or after the reception. This is good.

One morning a week or so ago, the roads were bad and I had seen that some schools were delaying around us. W came into the bedroom to get ready and I said "hey, some schools are delaying" and she replied "yeah", but then she added "and closing" which I didn't hear. A few minutes later I saw some closings (including S16's school) and I said to W "hey, schools are closing also" and she got snotty with me and said "I TOLD YOU THAT". I looked right at her and said in a stern voice "I apologize for not hearing you" and I walked out of the room. About 5 minutes later she came downstairs and was the nicest person to me you've ever seen.

Like I said, she's been really busy with work and she's still be IM'ing me all the time, calling when she has a chance, TM'ing me other times. It's almost kind of annoying.

And yesterday there was an IM exchange that was very telling for me. She had made some comment to me as I was having a pretty bad day at work. It was a nice comment reminding me that I need to control my voice tone on the phone with my subordinates because even if they can't see your face, they can hear the tone of your voice. I told her "You're so smart, thanks for the tip" and that started her into how she didn't like the fact that she felt like I was playing her trying to make her think she's smart, etc. I didn't respond. About 5 minutes later she IM'd me and asked "did I make you mad" I replied "no, not mad. It just bugs me that you can't accept that I KNOW you're smart and I value your opinions and if you think I'm playing you because I thank you for reminding me of things, then I don't know what else to say". And she was the nicest, most talkative thing you've ever seen the rest of the day and evening.

So that tells me that she isn't trusting the changes I've been working on. It also tells me she thinks I'm just doing this stuff to trick her back into the marriage. NO, not tricking her back into the marriage. Changing for ME. If she wants to ride along, great. If not, oh well.

She also has been making comments about buying a new car. The first couple times I just listened and didn't respond. The other day I told her "I have heard you when you say you want a new car. I just have a lot of thinking to do and we can talk about it soon.

This works on two levels. One, it's got to be making her think I'm not sure if we're going to be together long enough to buy a new car together and two, shows her that I'm listening to her.

And this car is going to be my opening to start at least a small R talk. At some point in the next few days I'm going to tell her that I've thought about it and I just don't think it's a wise thing to be going into more debt with the economy the way it is and not knowing if we'll even be together in 6 months and not knowing if I could afford it if we weren't. I'm going to tell her that I'm struggling to keep us a float as it is, and I just don't think it's the smart thing to do when as it stands now, I could be trying to make things work on one income.

Let the conversation flow from there. If she goes there I'm just going to tell her it seems like we're making progress, but I've got to be planning my life by myself until I know for sure that we've at least got a future where she's TRYING. And if she says "I am trying" I'm going to then tell her I recognize she's trying in her own way, but that there are things I NEED also and if she can't or won't help me with those, I just don't see a future for us.

And then it's up to her.

Ok, this was long. But it's been a while since I posted. Not posting every day seems to help me focus on work and just being the best I can at home. So I think I'll keep it up for a while, not posting as much.

Thanks for listening.