Detachment, Pop-Tarts, and Hope

[ThinkingItThru]

What to say? Situation hasn't changed much except to say that things seem even less intimate than before with even less talking. I no longer care about anything that has to do with the R and I feel like I'm just riding it out until the kids are launched. I don't know if I can do 3 more years of this. 3 years of no intimacy or physical affection is a long time.

Sometimes I just wish that he would have made the decision to leave if he doesn't want me anymore. At least then I would feel free to move forward. To find what might be out there for me instead of waiting to see if he will realize what he is missing or has missed. Instead, he is comfortable the way that things are now and like all things with this passive aggressive fellow, it may be up to me to take action. And this is not exactly something that I want to take action on. So I sit like "patience on a monument" waiting for what may come. Asking god for signs to show me the way.

And at this point I'm not sure I can take him back. There is a fine line between someone finding they've made a mistake and trying to come home and win back their spouse. And that spouse either feeling like they've won something valuable or feeling like they're some kind of consolation prize or backup plan because something else didn't work out.

I'm a little bit annoyed that I find myself a 40+ female statistic. Someone with much lower chances of finding another partner, a new "Mr Right". As I sit in some of the parent's meetings for our high school students, I look around at the other parents and find that the majority seem to be 40+ single women. And I suppose I might likely fall into that group in the future. But, heck...my Granny found her true love in her 70's so anything is possible.

But, on the bright side, like Granny, I have always been a woman who is comfortable being on her own.

Gosh I miss hugs and kisses...